if you knew

i still remember
when we were little kids
mom would always dress us up
in those many matching outfits
and we would play together
ride our bikes or watch tv
that is until we got a little older
and you started to become
a little jealous of me
i was the one that had the friends
that mom and dad approved of
and you started seeing their approval
as a measure of their love

you were always looking
for someplace where you’d belong
somewhere that you didnt feel
like everything you did was wrong

i’m sorry i didnt try harder
to be a friend to you
to help you navigate the awkwardness
that you were going through

all that time and its only now
that i’m starting to see
that something may have happened to you
something like what happened to me

i cant explain the guilt i feel
for not knowing if its true
for not talking about these kinds of things
like normal sisters do

i only wish i could go back
and try to talk to you
tell you that youre not alone
that we went through it too

i just cant stop thinking
that if you knew
maybe it would have changed
how things ended up for you

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2 Comments

Filed under all, family, my sister

2 responses to “if you knew

  1. Aimee

    This makes me cry a little. You are such a beautiful writer.

  2. manadely

    Aw, thanks mama! You give that precious little one of yours a kiss for me!

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