Monthly Archives: June 2009

lately

lately
nothing moves me
or motivates me
or inspires me
suddenly
indifferent
is all I can seem
to be

lately
I feel tired
I feel slow
I feel bored
and the people I’m with
cant help
but feel ignored

have you ever
had that dream
where your heart
starts to race
and you try to run
but you stay in one place?

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Filed under all, introspection

twenty years from now

twenty years from now
am i going to be thinking
that i spent all these years
doing nothing but sinking
wasting my time
doing whatever was easiest
never letting anyone
take me too serious
will i wish i spent more time
with the sun on my face
will i wish i had looked at success
like it was more of a race
will the people i love now
be the people i love then
will i still be in touch
with my dearest old friends

twenty years from now
will i be thinking
i’m happy i’ve come so far
or will i be drowning my regret
in a glass at the local bar
because life throws you curves
and it can often be cruel
the hard stuff are the things
they dont teach you in school

like death is a given
for you and everyone you know
and youre never prepared
to deal with someone’s time to go
or that sorrow is like the ocean
with tides that roll in
it moves out and gets calm
but it keeps coming back again

how much more sorrow
will i know
between now and then
is acceptance really
just a matter of when?

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Filed under all, introspection, pain and loss

men i’ve known

i’ve been thinking about love
and the men that i’ve known
the ways they all ended
the ways we’ve all grown

brad was a good guy
reliable, strong
always emotional when things
between us went wrong
it was sweet but got old
being with someone so needy
he somehow made me feel
like wanting any time away from him
made me greedy

jake was a mans man
but a cuddler too
it was one of our
top 3 favorite things to do
we loved each other fiercly
and we fought fiercly too
we both did horrible things
we never thought we’d do
we took each other for granted
like people often do
and i started thinking
that i wanted something new

corey was the cool guy
his attitude made him hot
ambitious and adorable
available he was not
we flirted daily hot and heavy
we’d spend the night
every few weeks
online i’d see pictures
of his girlfriend
of whom he would rarely speak
i felt guilty
but couldnt stop
my attraction was consuming
it slowly stopped
3 weeks became 5
and our seperate lives
just kept moving

matthew was perfect
in my head anyway
he moved not long after we met
so in my head
thats how he’ll stay
he was easygoing and empathetic
we liked all of the same things
i love the chills
the thought of our first kiss
still brings
i met him online
we wrote long letters for weeks
i was cautious but curious
so i arranged for us to meet
he didnt know then
he would be leaving
but i’ll never regret
the few short weeks
that started that evening

i’ve been thinking about love
and the men that i’ve known
the ways they all ended
that left me here alone

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Filed under all, love and stuff