Monthly Archives: August 2009

the little things

its funny how
its the little things
you never seem to lose
the shape of her eyebrows
the size of her shoes
its sad how its the big things
i’m starting to forget
the tone of her laugh
or her biggest accomplishment
its scary to think
about how fast the years
have gone by
since i last saw her smile
since i last heard her cry
it pains me to know
that there are days
i dont think of her
that there will come a time
when i’ll have to try
to remember her
i think about her life
about what it could have been
if only she had known
how soon it was going to end

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Filed under all, family, my sister, pain and loss

depressed

there was a time when i
was constantly full of shame
a time when i
felt riddled with blame
for anything
and everything
that you could think of
a thoughtless word
a really loud hiccup
its silly to think
that i wasted
so much time
caught up in all
these insecurities
that lived in my mind

the depressed
always remember
everything they’ve done
everything they’ve said
that was hurtful
or sounded stupid
and they just keep repeating
in the back of their heads
it makes them embarrassed
to be who they are
and it makes it
impossible for them
to stray very far
from the comfort
of their solitude
the assurance
that being alone
means that they don’t
have to worry
about trying to atone
for the mistakes
that they’ve made
that way no one ever
has to know

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Filed under all, introspection

how do you

how do you say
you’re sorry
to someone in your past
when the years
since you’ve seen them
have gone by so fast
would they even care
years later
to hear that they were right
would you even want them to know
it took you this long
to have finally
seen the light

i would always
play the victim
the one who was wronged
i’m able to see that
now that it’s been so long

i took you for granted
i always wanted more
than whatever you were offering
i was constantly standing
with one foot outside the door

i would always say
i was tired of trying
to be someone i wasnt
but that wasnt the issue
now i think
that i was just lying

that was my cop out
my shield from the blame
i didn’t see it at the time
and that really is
such a shame

how do you reconcile your mind
with what you’ve learned
and what you’ve done wrong
when you’ve casually abandoned
somewhere you know now
that you belonged

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Filed under all, random