Monthly Archives: September 2009

waiting for friday

five o’clock in the morning
still only half alive
crying as I watch you
walk down the drive
back to your life
to that place you call home
leaving me here in my space
to face another week on my own

five days until
I get to see you again
when you’ll hug and kiss me
and ask me how I’ve been
I’ll smile and say
I’ve been doing alright
being around you
always makes me feel light

but on those weekday mornings
when I wake up alone
and the distance between us
feels like it’s grown
I cant help but be sad
throughout most of the day
without you here
to hug it away

it’s not that i
don’t think we’ll be fine
I know how we both feel
we talk all the time
but I’m missing your hands
and seeing you smile
and just being able
to feel your presence for a while

I know that you
are feeling this way too
and there isn’t anything
either of us can do
we’ll just have to make do
with long phone calls and texts
until friday night
when we get to see each other next

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what do you have to give up
in order to reach your potential
how do you choose priorities
among the things
you find essential
to your future
or your happiness
they’re not always the same
at the time you have to choose
it can be hard to explain
what it is that you want
and more importantly, why
you’re scared to death
that life is passing you by

no one wants to wake up
ten years down the line
and wonder what the hell happened
to the dreams they once had in mind

but how do you pick yourself up
and begin to move forward
when you no longer know
what it is you’re moving toward

do you have to know
who you are
in order to pick up the pace
or does that come when you
finally finish the race

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it’s time

it’s time
to get on it
time is
a wastin’
gotta get started
on this waves
i plan on making
gotta get
my shit together
gotta get
my head in the game
because i’m
sick and tired
of more of the same

i wanna be
so much more
than i am right now
and i’m done pretending
that i just don’t
know how

because i do
and i can
and i really do
believe that
and i’m excited to find out
what i don’t even know
that i can do yet

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to jim, happy birthday

you are one of
the kindest people
that I have ever met
you’re warm,
and you’re thoughtful
and so compassionate

not often do I meet someone
who reminds me
of the kind of person
that I want to be
and I’m not used
to having someone like that
– someone like you-
love me

I feel like you get me,
like I don’t have to try
like you understand
where I’m coming from-
without asking me why

and you make me happy
by just being yourself;
you’re easy going and witty
and that’s enough in itself

but that’s just the surface
of what I love about you,
so here’s a few more things
I love that you do;

I love that you love bowling
and like to see me sweat
I don’t even mind
that you haven’t given up
rooting for the Yankees -yet

I love the words you use
and I like the way you reason
and I think its cute
the way you get all
revved up for football season

I love it that you sing to me
and I cant even describe
the way that I feel
when you look at me
with those adoring big brown eyes

I love that you kiss me in public
and always hold my hand
and I just don’t foresee
any issue being one
that naked wrestling can’t impede

I love it when you giggle
and I want you to know
that your concern for my well being
is both endearing and adorable

so I can only hope
that I can make you as happy
as you’ve already made me,
but I know I will
because deep down I feel
that this is meant to be.

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i know you’ve been waiting
to hear something from me
if you can keep your distance
you can have it to read

i fell in love with the man
i thought you would be
the man that i knew
not very many could see
and for a really long time
i tried ignoring the signs
that you were not at all
what i had had in mind

you were weak and needy
in way more ways than one
and i always felt too guilty
to do what i knew
needed to be done

you should have known
that something between us was wrong
when i refused to call you my boyfriend
all those months, all along
when something is right
you really want to belong

you were jealous
and insecure
you blame me
and that’s true, i’m sure
because i just
wasn’t in it
and you don’t want to,
but you knew that –
admit it

you’re a grown man
going nowhere
who pities himself
and i’m proud
that youre now a memory
getting dusty on my shelf

cause the things that i heard
that everyone told me
like that girl that you dated
remember all your innocent stories?
i no longer believe
a word that you said
because i’ve seen firsthand
the way you can get
and p.s.
having been in your bed
is something i truly regret

i will never love a man
who has disrespected me
or gets violent, especially after
knowing my history

so you can go to hell
or if i have my way – to jail
at least then
you can only stalk me by mail

i hope for your sake
someday you get your shit together
but i don’t want to hear from you
and i mean it – not ever
i will have you arrested again
if you come back around
and yes, cold is how
i want that to sound

so here it is
this is all that you get
and you should keep this
because you are a memory
that i plan to forget

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those times you get quiet
and run away in your head
I wish I could hear
the words your mind has said
I need to know how you think
how you work these things through
if I’m ever going to be able
to really understand you

not sure how to react
when you get like this
I just can’t help but wonder
what it is that I missed

because I can usually see
this kind of stuff coming on
I read people well
or at least that’s what I thought

I think there are things about me
that are starting to upset you
but they’ve been here all along
they are things you already knew

you’re really open minded
but you’re pretty stubborn too
when it comes to the things
that just don’t make sense to you

I know that you’re willing
to work these things through
and I know you don’t want to ask me
to change myself for you

I want to be able to tell you
that I will just do it
but I don’t want to say that
if it isn’t legit

I just wasn’t expecting
this to become an issue
and it’s not that these things
are more important to me than you

but there’s a part of me that resists
when someone wants me to change
our relationship shouldn’t be dependant
on some kind of exchange

I want you to love me for me
not just the person I can be
if I were to change the things
you think are unhealthy for me

but I know that you do
and it’s upsetting you, too
that you can’t just get over
the things that are bothering you

I love you enough
that I’m willing to do it
but I don’t think it’s a bad thing
if it takes me a bit

it’s going to take me some time
to convince myself it’s what’s best
for me and my future
and not just our relationship’s
best interest

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i’m imagining sitting with you
under a breezy blue sky
with fingers intertwined
seeing the way you look at me
always gentle, always kind

i’m thinking about your laugh
and how it lights up your face
thinking about the way you speak to people
with warmth, and with grace

youre fantastic to know
a total delight to be around
and on top of it all
you’ve got your feet on solid ground

i respect your intelligence
and your empathy even more
your maturity is something
more people should strive for

you put me to shame
with your thoughtful ways
and i plan to make it up to you
one of these days

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the lasting kind

baby, i’ve been thinking
about you and me
i’ve been thinking about how happy
i know we will be

baby, you amaze me
this swelling in my chest
does nothing but assure me
that this is so much better
than any of the rest
of the times in my life
that i thought i was happy
i dont even care
that i constantly sound
so sappy

this happiness i feel
does nothing but soothe me
i never thought
that relationships this good
could ever be this easy

and i know this is real
theres no doubt in my mind
that this love that we share
is the lasting kind

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still with you

five days in a row
i dont get to see your face
five days a week
separated by so much space
i sit and stare at your photos
the days that i’m alone
thinking about how crazy it is
that your arms have become
the place i feel
most at home

two hour drive
every friday and sunday
two hours away
is where my heart will stay
because when the weekend is over
and its my time to go
i somehow find
the strength to leave
but my chest refuses
and just says, “no”
“no, i wont go”

so while you’re up there
and i’m down here
so much of me
is still with you, dear

i’m there when you laugh
and whenever you smile
so never think that you
haven’t seen me in a while
i’m there in the mirror
and in the curve of your chest
there in that place
you know i like best

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