Monthly Archives: November 2009

I want to.

I want to be
passion on fire,
the magic in the room.
shameless,
fearless,
easily amused.

I want to be
the voice
of reason with my friends.
always the one
with an empathetic ear
to lend

I want to be
the glue
that holds everyone together,
so that they will
think something like,
“we really need her”.

I want to be
headstrong
and give everything a shot.
always steady,
strong and sure
but always willing
if I’m not

I want to
live.
without expectations,
without
worthless regrets.
no matter
how tragic
life, at times
can get.

I want to
take time.
to explore,
travel this great land.
and maybe,
along the way,
find out
who I am.

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Filed under all, introspection, longing

sleepwalking

not sure what woke me
but its 4 am again
slide out of my jeans
on the way to my bed
crawl in and try
to quiet my head

sleepwalk my way
through the shower
and the getting ready
after
another day
of bleary eyes
of making it seem
as though i really try

friday morning
five oclock
no idea how long
i’ve been staring
at the dashboard clock
stomach is sour
lips reek of whiskey
fall to my knees
digging around
for my keys

sleepwalk through the shower
and the getting ready after
one more day
of bleary eyes
of making it seem
like i really try

but i’m just a liar
wrapping myself up
in layers of denial
pretending my grief
is something i can manage
pretending that i don’t feel
broken and damaged

during the nights
dulling my ache
with strangers
and whiskey
just to bring out
the carefree spirit
that i used to be

i spend my days
sleepwalking through the shower
and the getting ready after
another day
of bleary eyes
of ignoring this feeling
that i could just
break down and cry

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Filed under all, introspection, random