Monthly Archives: November 2017

The Best For You Both

Sometimes I wish you knew
The things I would tell him, regarding you
But I know that isn’t my place to do

I definitely made a joke or two
About your age, at your expense
But I never scorned you when it mattered
Even though I always knew your intent

Maybe it makes you feel good
To think I want what you have
Maybe it helps keep you feeling
Lucky to have gotten it back

But I am not envious
I’m not pining for what’s gone
It isn’t what I lost that hurts
It’s the damage its done

But that’s why I write
It’s how I get it all out
But just because I post a thought
That doesn’t mean it’s all I’m thinking about

I’ve got a brain like a bullet train
I wouldn’t expect you to know
You’re a stranger at the railway station
I wouldn’t recognize as foe
You can think what you want of me
From what he wanted you to know
But the truth is (most of the time)
I wish the best for you both

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Filed under all, random

Ruins

I didn’t fall in love with how easy it was
to be around him-although it was
We really didn’t get to do that very much

I fell in love with his voice
The way he would speak
How he would question and over-think everything
How he was so much like me

I fell in love with the laughter
the nightly hours-long conversations
With what I thought was candor
With what seemed to be patience

I fell I love with a promise
That vanished while I slept
With a shrug of its shoulders
And a cock of its neck
It turned into a rumor
That whispered to its friends
Spun my confusion into crazy
My hurt into unhinged

Rumors have a way of making you question
What you thought you knew to be true
Makes you start to wonder
If you made up the good things too
Just how big were the blinders
Just how self absorbed had I been
Was he ever honest
Did I ever mean anything to him

But that’s the thing about rumors
there are no answers to find
They just linger in tiny whispers
in the back of your mind

But I’ve never cared much for rumors
It’s why I serve myself on a plate
Less need for anyone to have to speculate
Yes, I know that not everyone is like me
And maybe i’ll always be slightly naive but

I know when I’ve felt someone’s heart touch mine
I know when I’ve seen love or lust look at me from a man’s eyes
I understand motives when promises get broken
I know what I’ve heard in between the words that are spoken

He can burn all of the bridges I built
I’ll claim those ruins as mine
Have you ever noticed how ruins
become beautiful things over time

You can take a train ride
through the ruins of my past
Just keep your hands inside
So you don’t shatter them like glass
The train track is my history
There’s a station at every trauma
Ghosts move among the wreckage
play-acting out the drama
Some are quick enough to roll through
So many others take some time
I visit them all occasionally
When I get stuck inside my mind

Everyone collects something
Isn’t that what they say
I guess Im collecting the memories
Filing them away
Under the still crumbling remnants
Of what used to be
When I loved him
When he loved me

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

Days & Nights

Some nights
I shackle my heart to the past
Let it all keep replaying

Some days
I move forward so fast
I can almost see the future
Reshaping

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, pieces. parts.

Ode to My Stretch Marks

You winding broken arrow roads
Thin white vines that decorate
my breasts, my thighs
Play peek a boo along my sides

You tiny tendrils
that beg to be traced by fingertips
You treasure trails
You trophies

Like the haphazard marks
on the corner of the kitchen wall
that track the height of the small life
you helped house
you are my markers
The history of skin
swell, stretch, shrink

You, the battle scars
The nick marks on a primitive man’s war stick
The faded glory medals
Soft, resilient, tough

You, a reminder that traumas long past
leave behind a mark you can see if you look hard enough

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the leaf

I am a leaf
in a windstorm
flying up
falling down
thrown up against barriers
scraping along just above the ground

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, pieces. parts.