Category Archives: bits and pieces

This is a collection of the little phrases and snippets of would-be poems scattered in between the pages of my notebooks. Some are poems without endings (or beginnings), some are just little phrases that come out of my head, others are poems who’s rhyme scheme just never showed up, or who’s meter just wouldn’t steady.

self loathing

i’m not sure
you would stay
if i admitted
to these lies
and i just dont think
i could handle
watching you
pack up your eyes
and take shelter
somewhere
far from my side
so instead i live with
this self loathing
i’ve been trying
to hide

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not yet

i always feel
like something
is holding me back
keeping me from being
where it is
i need to get
like an echoing
in my head
not yet, not yet
not yet

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more to say

it’s really too bad
that it’s over this way
when we both have
so much more to say
but none of it
would do any good,
anyway

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strangers

every stranger
has a story
a mystery
worth exploring

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no hero

i know
that acting
the way
that i do
makes you feel
like i need to be
rescued
but that
isn’t the role
that i want
for you

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your ring

i no longer
wear your ring
no longer in need
of the comfort
that band would bring

but i must
still admit
missing you is a habit
much harder to quit

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there are times

there are times
when i hear
songs you loved
growing up
and i can see you
so vividly
legs crossed
head bobbing
singing along

it brings a smile
to my face
every time

i have all these
random memories
of our lives
through the years
the happy ones
are always the ones
that bring on
the tears

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tell me

i just want you to tell me
that i didn’t hurt you too bad
i just want to know
that deep down
you still think i’m kinda fab

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i’m always up
for a good time
if the feeling
is right
i go
with the flow
i don’t
like to fight

but don’t tell me that i
shouldn’t be alone
at this time of night
when i know
it’s my bed
you have in your sight

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keeping score

we’ve been down
this road before
not that i
am keeping score

i’m just not sure
that things can be
the way they were
between you and me

but that doesn’t change
where we are
or where we’ve been
i’m not sure that i
can explain it with this pen

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love like ours

loves like ours
are easy come
and easy go
or, at least-
that’s what i’m told

its
the going
i’m not
finding
so easy

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stumped

i’m stumped
stopped
blocked
i’ve got
no ideas
no energy
no wants
i cant
even muster
the desire
to try
i revert
to this old
spiderweb
of lies

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november

snow flakes hit my pencil
its November
chilly mornings turn to frost
crystals cover the parking lot
winter is coming
foggy windshields
winter boots
gloves and scarves
and turkey shoots

memories
of snow pants
and fuzzy white hats
of snow storms
sleigh rides,
ice skating
and snowball fights

winter
was full
of wonder

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coffee shop

lost
in my
thoughts
amongst
the clinking
of coffee cups
dim lights
and red vinyl
hollow eyes
and halfhearted
smiles

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funny way

you have this
really funny way
of making me aware
of every syllable i say
whenever you are in the room
my senses awake
and i become
acutely aware
of every tiny move
my body might make

it seems like every time
you turn your eyes to me
i fear that you will somehow
be able to see me breathe
that you can feel
the warmth of my cheeks
and hear as my heart
quickens it’s beats

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datebook

lately
it seems
i am
only happy
when my
datebook
is bursting
at the seams
i require
constant
distractions
to occupy
my days
i need
nonstop
intrigue
to keep me
in a kind of
calm daze

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highlight

she’s everyone’s
highlight
full of sweetness
loves the sunlight
shes not afraid
to be sarcastic,
but in a silly way
that makes it alright
always sunny
and trying
to be funny

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it’s like suddenly i
have nothing to say
sleepwalking my way
from day to day
its not like anyone
notices, anyway

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i aim

i aim
to be adored
by those
who i would be
surprised
to find
intrigued
by someone
like me

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dark days

dark days
are coming
but it seems
that i just
might
keep continuing
to ignore it
and remain
bright
and light

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insight

to see
is to learn
to speak
is to be
to listen
is to grow
in ways
you may
not even know

so look
when you see
and say
what you think
pay attention to
the people you meet
let them impact
your outlook
to gain the insight
we all seek

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you’re sitting there
making up
stuff to say
i think, mostly
just to keep
your mouth busy
because
as soon
as your mouth
stops moving
and you look my way
it’s clear that
we both know
what it wants
to be doing

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angie’s been

angie’s been
sleeping around
filling her time
pretending she’s fine

shes a flurry
of plans
full of stories and smiles
anything to be
distracted
for a while

i’m waiting for it all
to come crashing down
i’m watching as it slips
further out of her grip

but she
doesnt want
to be saved

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i know that you’ll just cry
cause you know its worked
every other time
but baby
i’ve got something else
in mind

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what if i had

what if i
had walked away
instead of begging
you to stay

what if i
had said goodbye
instead of making you
watch me cry

would my pride
have eased
my pain somehow
would i feel
less pathetic
right now

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cruel

sometimes i think life
is unabashedly cruel
meant to continuously
make you feel like a fool

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whiskey

whiskey dulls the pain
i carry inside me
an aching that accompanies
almost any memory

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i’m fucking it all up again
shrugging it off
playing pretend

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youre too young

you’re too young
to understand right now
the who or the why
or especially the how
you came to be
with the family you have
or why sometimes, when we look at you
our faces seem sad

one day you’ll be old enough
for us to tell you the truth
about the tragedies that happened
during your early youth

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you think love
is either wrong or its right
but nothing is ever
that black and white
people are flawed
we’re complicated creatures
real life isn’t some kind
of fairytale Disney feature

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in this place

here in this place
we’ve all got on a brave face
our lives are hard
but we survive
but doing whatever we can
to feel alive

he tells me
its all a game
one he refuses
to explain
he thinks we’re weak
i know he must
its written all over
that look of disgust

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the rules

i’m not sure
what to say to you now
that you’ve gone and changed
the rules around

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confidence

you have very little
confidence in me
based on the attitude
i’ve let you see

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mystery to me

so now
here i am
the girl who
prides herself
on reading
the actions
of people
on seeing
the body language
and hidden expressions
that give away
whats really
going on
even while
watching
the attempts
to mask
true thoughts
with the traps
of normal conversation
but you remain
a mystery
to me

i can see
the masks you
wear
the ones you
always
try to hide
yet, somehow
i dont mind

because, somehow
i know
that whatever
the thoughts
may be
that linger low
i can sense
that there are
good intents
and i can feel
a comfort
in your gaze
and an ease
in your ways
and so
i deal
with the
awkward way
that not
being able
to read you
makes me feel

oh but if only
the stretch
of your smile
or the slant
of your eyes
would just
give you away
because
mystery
breeds curiosity
and dares me
to pursue
this wondering
and i become
a disaster
over eager
and young
in the ways
that i know
i have long since
overcome

not having
breeds wanting
then needing
if only just
to know. to see. to feel
to need.
to want. to have.
to read.

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desire

my desire is like an ocean
but fickle like a child
flirting teasing fleeting
affection lust and coyness
in motion

my want is unyielding
it pushes out my hands arms chest
neediness
and greediness
the sweetness of feeling
the comfort of holding
the excitement of touching
of needing
to put a spark in his eye
when he looks at me
flirting teasing speaking
in unsaid language that does
not lie

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memory of you

my memory of you
slips by quickly
like an old tape
stuck on fast forward
and my heart
breaks just a little
because oh, how i long
to revisit
each minute
in these late hours
to remember
each eager brush
of soft lips
and each adjustment
of willing hips
to retrace the path
of every shiver
that the feel of
skin on skin delivers

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