Tag Archives: breaking up

Bruises

Waking up after drinking
and then arguing the night before
When he told you he hated you
He didn’t love you anymore
You were sobbing, following him around
Begging him to listen
Begging him to calm down

So you drag yourself to the shower
Step out to dry off
Catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror
Eyes widen, you gawk

Criss cross cobwebs
of blue and purple fingerprints
Red marks, bruises
Flashes of memories coming in bits

Flung around like a rag doll
onto the floor, against the wall
Being grabbed and pushed
falling backward down the hall
Fighting him off as he tried to physically
throw you out the door
Onto the lawn, in the rain
Where he’d thrown your purse and keys just before

The coldness in his eyes
The hardness of his grip
Cruel words flashing by
like an old blurry comic strip

All at once feeling
so hollow and so small
Like that isn’t even you
staring back from the wall

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no more

what else
do you think
you can do
to my heart
can’t break
what’s already
broken apart

there’s nothing
you can do to me
no more
no pain my heart
hasn’t felt
before

now you’re coming
around here
well you can just
stop right there
it could never be
what it was before
that girl
isn’t even here
anymore

i’ll never
do that again
let someone
do me like
you did

your words
those weapons
can’t wound me
anymore
there’s nothing
you can say to me
i haven’t
heard before

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

unsaid

it just happened one day
she finished her coffee
put her mug in the sink
didn’t even stop
for a minute to think
she went to the bedroom
packed just one bag
then walked out the front door
without looking back

left him to deal
with all of her things
and the pain and heartache
that abandonment brings

after she left
she didn’t even cry
this time (oh this time)
her eyes were dry

it wasn’t
the first time
she had driven away
only this time her things
weren’t thrown on the lawn
or flung in her face

after everything
said and done
he really shouldn’t
have been surprised

the only word
she left
unsaid
was goodbye

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

cant be

this can’t be it
this can’t be goodbye
this can’t be you
laughing at me
while i cry

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, pieces. parts.

i know that you’ll just cry
cause you know its worked
every other time
but baby
i’ve got something else
in mind

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Filed under bits and pieces, pieces. parts.

starting over

    i can’t quite seem to finish this one… it just doesn’t feel done. i’m going to post it anyway, but check back because i might just update this when i can get the rest of it out of me. ~mana

last year i concentrated
on enjoying what i had
so that i would never again
have to feel too sad

spending time with my parents
having fun with friends
spending all day outdoors
allowing myself to mend

because i learned how hard it is
to lose someone you love
how it affects you in ways
you would have never thought of

you were the first person
that i allowed into my heart
and you had free reign of it
right from the very start

so when things started to go wrong
i became more and more afraid
and i allowed it to effect my actions
and the decisions that i made

somewhere along the way
i guess i stopped listening to you
and i wasn’t able to read you
like i used to be able to do

i wish that at the time
i had been able to see
that i was slowly burying
the things you loved about me

my fear made me into someone
who was constantly insecure
who didn’t trust herself
and pushed you away, i’m sure

the pain of loss is overwhelming
when the people you love die
but somehow, it is even harder
when someone you love chooses
to say goodbye

so right now i am concentrating
on enjoying what i have
so i wont be consumed
with feeling so damn sad

i’m trying to be the kind of person
that i would want there for me
i’m remembering to trust and love myself
to fight off the insecurity

i’ve realized that i don’t need
to find the girl i was before
parts of her remain with me
but i am, and will be so much more

but you remain the man
that i carry inside my heart
and i will always consider you
to be my new beginning’s start

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Filed under all, introspection, longing, pain and loss

everyone tells me

everyone tells me
i’m going to be fine
that i just have
to give it some time

but time only makes me
feel that much more alone
and i still see your face
every time i look at my phone

its even harder to know
that you’re doing alright
not that i’m surprised
i figured you might

but why is it so much easier
for you to get over me?
what is it that i
am failing to see?

why didn’t you love me
the way i love you?
did i really make it
that impossible to do?

everyone tells me
i’m going to be fine
that i just need
to give it some time

but nothing was better
than time spent with you
being without that is something
i just cant get used to

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Filed under all, longing, pain and loss

do you

it seems like everything
reminds me of you
everywhere i go
everything i do

baby, please tell me
is it the same for you?

do you miss my laugh
or seeing me smile
do you miss how it felt
to hold me in your arms for a while

do you miss me at night
when you lay down in bed
are memories of me
constantly swirling through your head

didn’t i
love you enough
even when things
got really tough

i know i messed up
that i made mistakes
and i just wouldn’t
ease onto the brakes

but do you miss walking around
holding my hand
do you ever think
“Amanda would understand”

do you ever pick up your phone
to send me a text
change your mind and just
move on to whatevers next

does your heart ever feel
like someone is plucking its strings
do you know the pain
that missing you brings

do you feel like you may
never feel any better
do you hope that we
might get back together

cause baby, let me tell you
i do. i do.

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Filed under all, longing, pain and loss

you loved me

i can remember
it exactly
the last time
that you told me
you loved me
it was a month ago now
but it seems longer
somehow
since that loving look
was in your eye
now when you look at me
i just want to cry
because i can see
that its missing
and i cant stop
reminiscing
back to the day
when you loved me more
than you could say
and i just cant help
but to think
youre not really trying
that you’re letting your heart
stay locked away in hiding
i think its because
youre afraid
its not going to work out
that you wont be able
to overcome your doubt
and you dont want
to go through the hurt
but you have to try
if this is going to work

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Filed under all, longing, love and stuff, pain and loss

apologies

i dont want to hear
your apologies anymore
i’m shaking them off
heading for the door
i’m sick of this nonsense
that much i know for sure

you tell me you love me
while your tears fall to the floor
i say i guess you
should’ve thought about that
before

cause i wont be stifled
or kept in a cage
i’m too young for that
maybe you should go looking
for someone your own age

cause i know youre thoughtful
but you dont act that way
and i’m not naive enough
to think you’ll start to someday

youre an old dog
full of old tricks
and the stories of all
of the wounds
that you’ve licked

i’m sorry wont cut it
it’s just not enough
go ahead play the victim
as i gather my stuff

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goodbye to you, gt

i’m not going to cry
over you anymore
wont let you hurt me
so you can feel
like you’re settling the score

i’m moving on
moving past all this bullshit
trying someone else on for size
you obviously didn’t fit

not going to be sad
wont give you the satisfaction
not going to act out either
just to get a reaction

gonna move around the room
and smile like i do
be appreciated by those
so much more mature than you

i don’t care if you see it
take it or leave it
learn something from it
or just throw a fit

i clearly misjudged you
right from the start
or hit some nerve on the head
with some familiar sharp dart

i’m not sure which it is
at this point i dont care
because your rude comments
are completely unfair

but hear what you want
and think what you will
you’re nothing but drama
and i’ve had my fill

so come down off your horse
and get over yourself
trying putting your resentments
up on a shelf

stop bitching and moaning
and drawing lines with our friends
go ahead treat me like a stranger
you’re good at playing pretend

it’s funny how you’d say
“when you grow up”
since i’ve been the only one of us
thats been acting like a grown up

i’m sorry you got hurt
that you feel disappointed
that it makes you assume i used you
but my intentions were poignant

we both know
what is real – what was said
at least i do
i didnt have six shots or more
clouding my head

i wish you the best
i wish you felt the same
but i know you’re weak
so you go ahead and think
i’m to blame

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