Tag Archives: ex boyfriends

Would Have

If you had really known me
you’d know I would have willingly
played the martyr
Would have swallowed my own swords
given reason
I wouldn’t have made it harder

In fact, knowing me I would have tried
to easy any guilt you might have felt
I would have reminded you
that I always respected the way you seemed to know yourself
Had I known there was something and someone else that you wanted
I wouldn’t have made it about me, I would have convinced myself to be happy for you
For taking a chance on something that I knew I couldn’t give you

Someone to lay with at the end of a long day
Someone who already knows you well enough
to know all of the right things to say
Someone to just be with, do nothing really at all
Someone to make regular new memories with in the backseat of your car
Someone you can actually touch when you’re so hard that it hurts
Not having to settle for racing home to my pictures and your hand after work
Knowing smiles, hand holding
Sleepy snuggles every morning

If you would have just told me the truth
I would have wanted to make that choice easy on you
Would have always carried a torch for this sweet, honest guy that I knew
I would have liked for that to be my memory of you

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the radio

I’ll be driving alone
and that song comes on the radio
Just like that, it all rushes back

Hand in hand walking down
a cute small town street
my eyes on you
your eyes on me

The wind in my hair
your lips on my face
the beat of your heart
the hole in me it replaced

The taste of sweet sweat
and the sound of your laughter
the promise of a perfect
happily ever after

Even though it’s been so long
when I hear the right song
the past is never really gone

Cause just when I think
I’ve let it all go
that song is playing on the radio

You and me in the car
open skies, summer air
singing songs and feeling like
this was something rare

You playing with the hole
in the knee of my jeans
both of us joyful
smiling incessantly

The scent of your skin
your hot breath on my neck
the endless embraces
all those playful little pecks

It’s been so long
but when that song comes on
those moments, yeah
they live on

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no more

what else
do you think
you can do
to my heart
can’t break
what’s already
broken apart

there’s nothing
you can do to me
no more
no pain my heart
hasn’t felt
before

now you’re coming
around here
well you can just
stop right there
it could never be
what it was before
that girl
isn’t even here
anymore

i’ll never
do that again
let someone
do me like
you did

your words
those weapons
can’t wound me
anymore
there’s nothing
you can say to me
i haven’t
heard before

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tiny pieces

there was a time when i
could have had anyone
i might have wanted
and sometimes i would
just to prove my confidence
was warranted

some had girlfriends
some were “out of my league”
the athletes
the thinkers
the geeks
the bad seeds

the suits
the stoners
the partiers
the poets
men that have tiny pieces
of my soul but don’t know it

some that i wish
that i could take back
others that my heart
has longed to have back

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hey love

hey love
remember me?

i did everything wrong
and just hoped for the best
and man, did my pride
fail all of your tests

hey love
remember when?

back before then when we
were so fearless in our love
when we viewed it as though
the stars had aligned above

when our passions like our tempers
would burn and then simmer
until they bubbled and erupted
swept us up like a river

hey love
remember me?

the girl who you had said
loved you so much more
than any other girl
had ever loved you before

the girl who wrote you a poem
and then watched you cry
and when i asked you what was wrong
you simply replied

“i’m just so happy, that’s all.
that’s why”

fiery or emotional
it was always
the same
tears of joy
or frustration
full of passion
either way

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would i go back

if i could
how would i change it
it’s hard to decide
we were a fast and furious
roller coaster ride
we loved and fought
as if for years
in just that six month time

would i go back to january
that trip that we took
that ended up being
the last straw that it took
when we spent over a day in the airport
sleeping on benches
waiting to leave
silent and sad
or me begging on my knees

would i go back to december
the night of that
really big fight
erase the liquor, tears and bruises
so the weeks that followed
would have been alright

would i go back
to the night
you cheated on me
begged you
from two hours away
not to go
not to leave

would i go back to October
the night you’ll never forgive me for
when i was way too drunk to notice
that you were annoyed and at the bar
downing shots of jager
and heading for your car

would i go back to August
and tell you to take some time
to settle into your new life
before merging it with mine

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cursed

i think about you
several times a day,
you see
kinda pathetic, considering
you don’t
even miss me

because you’re
happier now
i can just feel it
and you don’t regret
not being with me
one bit

i wonder if now
you think that
i was a mistake
one you wish you could
go back to
and not make

i don’t want to
love someone
who thinks they’re
too good for me
i obviously cant handle
that kind
of insecurity

but i love you
just the same
at your best and
at your worst
but you just didn’t
feel the same
so this heart of mine
feels cursed

cause what i want
i cant have
and what i’ve become
you’ll never see
our history
will prevent you
from seeing me clearly

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closure

i know you’ve been waiting
to hear something from me
if you can keep your distance
you can have it to read

i fell in love with the man
i thought you would be
the man that i knew
not very many could see
and for a really long time
i tried ignoring the signs
that you were not at all
what i had had in mind

you were weak and needy
in way more ways than one
and i always felt too guilty
to do what i knew
needed to be done

you should have known
that something between us was wrong
when i refused to call you my boyfriend
all those months, all along
when something is right
you really want to belong

you were jealous
and insecure
you blame me
and that’s true, i’m sure
because i just
wasn’t in it
and you don’t want to,
but you knew that –
admit it

you’re a grown man
going nowhere
who pities himself
and i’m proud
that youre now a memory
getting dusty on my shelf

cause the things that i heard
that everyone told me
like that girl that you dated
remember all your innocent stories?
i no longer believe
a word that you said
because i’ve seen firsthand
the way you can get
and p.s.
having been in your bed
is something i truly regret

i will never love a man
who has disrespected me
or gets violent, especially after
knowing my history

so you can go to hell
or if i have my way – to jail
at least then
you can only stalk me by mail

i hope for your sake
someday you get your shit together
but i don’t want to hear from you
and i mean it – not ever
i will have you arrested again
if you come back around
and yes, cold is how
i want that to sound

so here it is
this is all that you get
and you should keep this
because you are a memory
that i plan to forget

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valentines

Valentines Day of 98
was one of my
first real dates
and older guy
with romance in mind
surprised me with flowers
balloons and a monkey
at fifteen i was thinking
i was so lucky

when we were young
when the nights
seemed so long

valentines day of 99
i was yours and you were mine
you had your head in my lap
a tear in your eye
determined to give
this love your best try

you and I
we’d spend hours
driving around
with the windows down

remember that field
on that hill in your old tempo
lost in each other eyes
feeling our hearts grow

remember those days
meeting in the hallways
remember those nights
those silly high school fights

Valentines Day 2004
i was so in love
i was so sure
that that was it
that new man and I
the words he wrote me
made me cry

Valentines of 2009
the first one without
that man in my life
memories of past days
hit me like waves
and i long to know
just where did those loves go?

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