Tag Archives: goodbye

Goodbyes

All I really asked for was honesty
For you to be upfront with me
It was something you said
You understood I would need
We used to talk about it constantly
You told me so many times
How you never lie
How you could never cheat
How you didn’t want to be with her
Regardless of being with me

Guess the joke all along was on me

I knew you could be cold
When you want to be
You can shut off a switch
Convince yourself so easily
Of whatever it is
You need to believe

You said I had trouble seeing past myself
That commment was true
Whether you realize it or not
You have that problem too
You don’t always take the time
To really see other points of view

You asked me once
If I would hate you for this
Back when it had just began
I told you it would really suck for me
I’d be sad, but I’d understand

And I would have.

I know it’s all the same to you
It’s not like we could have stayed friends
But did you really have to handle it that way
Is this really how you needed it to end?

You had all the power here
You just stopped speaking to me
Guess I should have listened
To the bad feeling I’d had recently

If you had just done what you promised
Been open and honest with me
It could have been so different
It didn’t need to hurt so badly

One conversation would have made the difference
Just to me, I know, not you
Now it seems you had… other things to do

So I can only assume you wanted
Me to hurt in the worst possible way
To mourn you like the dead
Who just disappear one day

Without a single word to say

I guess I never meant that much to you
For you to want to be that cruel
If you were scared you should know that didn’t come from me
It comes from inside you
I didn’t even know about her
Cry was all I figured I’d do
If I had shown up I probably
Would have laughed a little too
At myself just as much
As at the two of you

Because I’m your joke now, right
The forgotten tryst
The crazy blight
The one you just ignore outright
Does it give you those bad dreams at night?

I’m sure it will be blissful
For a while, it always is
The sex should be much better
But that’s an easy goal to hit
The comfort, the safety
Mixed with the freshness of starting new
Will feel really amazing for a while too
Who knows maybe she’s the one
And she’ll grow old with you

I don’t wish you any ill will
Because that’s not the heart I have
You never could fully understand
My perspective on all that

But don’t take all my goodbyes
In all these rhyming lines
To mean I haven’t moved on
Just one single feeling
Can inspire a hundred songs

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

would i go back

if i could
how would i change it
it’s hard to decide
we were a fast and furious
roller coaster ride
we loved and fought
as if for years
in just that six month time

would i go back to january
that trip that we took
that ended up being
the last straw that it took
when we spent over a day in the airport
sleeping on benches
waiting to leave
silent and sad
or me begging on my knees

would i go back to december
the night of that
really big fight
erase the liquor, tears and bruises
so the weeks that followed
would have been alright

would i go back
to the night
you cheated on me
begged you
from two hours away
not to go
not to leave

would i go back to October
the night you’ll never forgive me for
when i was way too drunk to notice
that you were annoyed and at the bar
downing shots of jager
and heading for your car

would i go back to August
and tell you to take some time
to settle into your new life
before merging it with mine

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unsaid

it just happened one day
she finished her coffee
put her mug in the sink
didn’t even stop
for a minute to think
she went to the bedroom
packed just one bag
then walked out the front door
without looking back

left him to deal
with all of her things
and the pain and heartache
that abandonment brings

after she left
she didn’t even cry
this time (oh this time)
her eyes were dry

it wasn’t
the first time
she had driven away
only this time her things
weren’t thrown on the lawn
or flung in her face

after everything
said and done
he really shouldn’t
have been surprised

the only word
she left
unsaid
was goodbye

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

cant be

this can’t be it
this can’t be goodbye
this can’t be you
laughing at me
while i cry

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, pieces. parts.

more to say

it’s really too bad
that it’s over this way
when we both have
so much more to say
but none of it
would do any good,
anyway

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Filed under bits and pieces, pieces. parts.

what if i had

what if i
had walked away
instead of begging
you to stay

what if i
had said goodbye
instead of making you
watch me cry

would my pride
have eased
my pain somehow
would i feel
less pathetic
right now

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, undone

starting over

    i can’t quite seem to finish this one… it just doesn’t feel done. i’m going to post it anyway, but check back because i might just update this when i can get the rest of it out of me. ~mana

last year i concentrated
on enjoying what i had
so that i would never again
have to feel too sad

spending time with my parents
having fun with friends
spending all day outdoors
allowing myself to mend

because i learned how hard it is
to lose someone you love
how it affects you in ways
you would have never thought of

you were the first person
that i allowed into my heart
and you had free reign of it
right from the very start

so when things started to go wrong
i became more and more afraid
and i allowed it to effect my actions
and the decisions that i made

somewhere along the way
i guess i stopped listening to you
and i wasn’t able to read you
like i used to be able to do

i wish that at the time
i had been able to see
that i was slowly burying
the things you loved about me

my fear made me into someone
who was constantly insecure
who didn’t trust herself
and pushed you away, i’m sure

the pain of loss is overwhelming
when the people you love die
but somehow, it is even harder
when someone you love chooses
to say goodbye

so right now i am concentrating
on enjoying what i have
so i wont be consumed
with feeling so damn sad

i’m trying to be the kind of person
that i would want there for me
i’m remembering to trust and love myself
to fight off the insecurity

i’ve realized that i don’t need
to find the girl i was before
parts of her remain with me
but i am, and will be so much more

but you remain the man
that i carry inside my heart
and i will always consider you
to be my new beginning’s start

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Filed under all, introspection, longing, pain and loss

just because

i could kiss you
right now
and i know
you’d let me do it
this shy game
you’ve been playing
doesn’t fool me
one bit
because i know
you like
the way you feel
underneath me
how excited you get
how you moan
so easily

but you love her
i know
i can see it
on your face
don’t worry
i’m kinda used
to being
second place
in the eyes
of the men
that i long for
the most
but instead
of switching gears
i sit in neutral
and just coast

you would think
that i’d start
to change
my expectations
instead of accepting
those once-every-few-weeks
invitations
i tell myself
that i cant help
that my heart wants
what it does
its my lame excuse
for my actions
my substitute
for “just because”

but this time
i do nothing
as these thoughts race
through my head
and my trembling lips
pull back
and say goodbye
instead

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Filed under all, longing, lust and passion

why not today

i’m just sitting here
thinking
why do i stay
thinking about
turning this car around
and just
running away
wont have to
do goodbyes
because really
theres nothing to say
everyone leaves
eventually,
anyway

i just feel like
taking off
see you later, bye
trying not to think
about the tears
my mother would cry
but i know
that she’d understand
wanting to live
before i die

i just cant
stop thinking
that theres more
out there for me
that i need
to go and find
the me that
i’m supposed to be

cause it’s not
gonna happen
in this town
in this place
it’s so easy
to feel trapped
surrounded
by all of this space
sometimes
i feel so lost
that my heart
begins to race
and i start to think

why do i stay
how long can i keep
this maddening
restlessness at bay
i have to start
to live for myself
sometime
so why not today
why dont i
just turn this car around
and start
making my way

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Filed under all, introspection, random

without you

i know i was the one
who said we were done
who threw in the towel
and started to run

well what can i say
baby, you know me
illusions of greener grass
swept me off my feet

i didn’t know
who i was
without you as half of me
i just knew
i needed to see

i was scared
of being stuck behind
a constant back and forth
that left me numb inside

cause you were it
you were all that i had
and i don’t know why
but it made me mad

cause i didn’t know
who i was
if you weren’t half of me
i just knew
i wanted to see

but right now
looking at you
i cant help but remember
how in spite of it all
you could see
how happy we were

and now here i am
trying to understand
who i am without you
i wish i could tell you
that i knew

now here i am
trying to understand
how i can live without you
i only wish
that i knew

cause i didn’t know
who i was
without you as half of me
and now i am
and i’m not sure
i like what i see

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Filed under all, introspection, love and stuff

goodbye to you, gt

i’m not going to cry
over you anymore
wont let you hurt me
so you can feel
like you’re settling the score

i’m moving on
moving past all this bullshit
trying someone else on for size
you obviously didn’t fit

not going to be sad
wont give you the satisfaction
not going to act out either
just to get a reaction

gonna move around the room
and smile like i do
be appreciated by those
so much more mature than you

i don’t care if you see it
take it or leave it
learn something from it
or just throw a fit

i clearly misjudged you
right from the start
or hit some nerve on the head
with some familiar sharp dart

i’m not sure which it is
at this point i dont care
because your rude comments
are completely unfair

but hear what you want
and think what you will
you’re nothing but drama
and i’ve had my fill

so come down off your horse
and get over yourself
trying putting your resentments
up on a shelf

stop bitching and moaning
and drawing lines with our friends
go ahead treat me like a stranger
you’re good at playing pretend

it’s funny how you’d say
“when you grow up”
since i’ve been the only one of us
thats been acting like a grown up

i’m sorry you got hurt
that you feel disappointed
that it makes you assume i used you
but my intentions were poignant

we both know
what is real – what was said
at least i do
i didnt have six shots or more
clouding my head

i wish you the best
i wish you felt the same
but i know you’re weak
so you go ahead and think
i’m to blame

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