Tag Archives: heartache

unsaid

it just happened one day
she finished her coffee
put her mug in the sink
didn’t even stop
for a minute to think
she went to the bedroom
packed just one bag
then walked out the front door
without looking back

left him to deal
with all of her things
and the pain and heartache
that abandonment brings

after she left
she didn’t even cry
this time (oh this time)
her eyes were dry

it wasn’t
the first time
she had driven away
only this time her things
weren’t thrown on the lawn
or flung in her face

after everything
said and done
he really shouldn’t
have been surprised

the only word
she left
unsaid
was goodbye

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

high school fantasy

i think maybe at first
you saw me as a prize
and you were trying on
your high school fantasy
for size

and it fit, for a while
like a dream
you would beam
but the threads were quickly
unraveling at the seams
and before long
there were tears as wide
as the knees
of my old jeans

and my heart, like those jeans
ripped little by little
until the night of that fight
when they both
tore down the middle

i knew then it was over
i just couldn’t admit it
like great shoes
you keep around
even if they don’t fit

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

breaking

it’s too beautiful
the water
the sun
the warmth that it’s making

for me to be
sitting here
faking

for my
heart
to be breaking

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Filed under bits and pieces, pieces. parts.

i remember

i remember
when i used to feel her
in the breeze
on a warm day
and how it felt
like she knew
everything i wanted
to say

i remember
the way she moved
when she heard a song
she really liked
and the snort like
noises she would make
when we were having
a fight

i remember
the way her face
used to look
when she laughed
how she’d sound
during that
open-mouthed chuckle
she always had

i remember
her humor
the kind of jokes
that she liked
the pure delight
on her face
was always such
a lovely sight

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Filed under all, family, my sister, pain and loss

the other side

i wonder
how you’d feel
if our roles
were reversed
if i had done
that to you
in that way
right at first

if it had
been me
taking you
for that ride
tell me,
how would
forgiveness look
from the other side?

how easy
do you
expect this
to be?
it’s not
about you,
remember?
it’s about me

you play
the victim
like regret
is the main event
but regret
flames bright
then dies out
and is spent

i have
no blame
to eat
to settle
the score
just heartache
fear
disappointment
and more

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, love and stuff, pain and loss, rambles

caution and fear

whats
the difference
between
caution
and fear
how
can i tell
which
is stopping
me here

because
i want to be
less fearful
i know
that i should
but i also
want to be
smart
like i promised
my mom i would

i guess
its all
context
and what
is at stake
i suppose
that its fear
if all
i’m risking
is heartache

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Filed under all, random

cursed

i think about you
several times a day,
you see
kinda pathetic, considering
you don’t
even miss me

because you’re
happier now
i can just feel it
and you don’t regret
not being with me
one bit

i wonder if now
you think that
i was a mistake
one you wish you could
go back to
and not make

i don’t want to
love someone
who thinks they’re
too good for me
i obviously cant handle
that kind
of insecurity

but i love you
just the same
at your best and
at your worst
but you just didn’t
feel the same
so this heart of mine
feels cursed

cause what i want
i cant have
and what i’ve become
you’ll never see
our history
will prevent you
from seeing me clearly

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Filed under all, longing, pain and loss

who are you fooling

he wanders aimlessly
through the hospital corridors
passing the hardened saddened faces
of the people lingering on every floor

he brings his wife a coffee
tells her to take a break
with a warm touch and a big smile
he’s finding harder and harder to fake

he catches his reflection
in the window across the room
and tells himself
that this will all be over soon

but then he thinks

who are you fooling
your heart aches inside
who are you fooling
the site of your daughters bald head
makes you cry every time

she stares at him silently
from the other end of the couch
wanting desperately to speak
but unable to move her mouth

she fixes him his dinner
asks him if he’s alright
he says hes fine but tells her
that he’s going to be out again tonight

he leaves and she’s alone
staring in the bathroom mirror
telling herself she isn’t worried
telling herself that he’ll think clearer

but then she thinks

who are you fooling
you’re empty inside
who are you fooling
you spend every night crying
and you’re not even sure why

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Filed under all, pain and loss

just thinking

i’m just thinking
where’s my sister
does she even know
that i miss her
wondering if she can see
the tears my eyes make
if she can feel
the way my heart aches

do you think she knows
how sorry i am
that i acted as though
i didn’t give a damn

do you think
that she’s happy
wherever she is
maybe with grandpa
and the first of her
two little kids

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Filed under all, my sister, pain and loss