Tag Archives: relationships

Nostalgic Fantasy

Is this all I am
Is this all I’ve ever been
A nostalgic game of fantasy
To every man who has ever known me

You always ask me what Im wearing
You want me to make it sound cute
You’re thinking knee socks and spandex
Clinging to my legs
Tank top tight against these ample breasts
You want me to paint myself into
A portrait for you
Like I am just a fantasy
Here waiting for you

Well this
Is what you see
When I put down the paintbrush
And pick up a pen
This is the image of a woman
Waiting around to play fantasy for men

This is the dry mouth
That comes after all of those held breaths
This is the sound of gagging
On the resentment of expectations not met
This is the stench
Of a mountain of regret
That oozes out like pheromones
At the hint of a familiar scent

But you want that flirtatious adrenaline rush
That conversation only if you’re bored
That sexy picture when you’re stressed
That slow playful texting
About what kind of sex we like
On your oh-so-seldom lonely night

I never thought
You’d inspire me to feel this way
This, another lesson
That rose colored glasses
Grow back with time away

But you spent so many years
Agreeing to be only what I needed
Regardless of how you may have been feeling
So now I wonder if I don’t owe it to you
To play the part of your Manic Pixie Dream Girl
For a few

But I feel something die a little
With every word I say
Because fantasies flame hot
Then die out a little every day
And anything real
Burns to ashes that way

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No One

I’ve been bruised by more men than I’d like to admit
See even when we know better, we’re still ashamed of it
People don’t understand my anger
At the victim shaming, the blaming
“What did you do/What did you say that made him so mad?”
Or “Well it’s not like he hit you, so it wasn’t that bad.”

Once, he just forced me down on my knees
Held me there while he poured his entire beer over me

Once, to keep me from leaving
He secretly disconnected wires in my engine
No idea what he was doing, thought it would stall out
But not right away, it didn’t

Once, he just threw a remote at my head
Thankfully I reacted, he got my forearm instead

I covered welts and shame under lies and long sleeves
Sometimes for days, sometimes for weeks
And not to protect him, but to protect me

See I understand the reason we fold
No one can pick apart a story you never told
No details for people to hammer away at
No having to hear, “I just can’t see him acting like that.”

No one to claim you hurt yourself to be vengeful
No one to start a meme of your pain and call you hateful
No one to tell you, “you probably deserved what you got”
No one to spread rumors that violence gets you hot

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Filed under all, love and stuff, random

the radio

I’ll be driving alone
and that song comes on the radio
Just like that, it all rushes back

Hand in hand walking down
a cute small town street
my eyes on you
your eyes on me

The wind in my hair
your lips on my face
the beat of your heart
the hole in me it replaced

The taste of sweet sweat
and the sound of your laughter
the promise of a perfect
happily ever after

Even though it’s been so long
when I hear the right song
the past is never really gone

Cause just when I think
I’ve let it all go
that song is playing on the radio

You and me in the car
open skies, summer air
singing songs and feeling like
this was something rare

You playing with the hole
in the knee of my jeans
both of us joyful
smiling incessantly

The scent of your skin
your hot breath on my neck
the endless embraces
all those playful little pecks

It’s been so long
but when that song comes on
those moments, yeah
they live on

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Filed under all, longing, love and stuff, lust and passion

breaking your heart

I’m watching it all falling to pieces
and I just don’t want to believe it
seeing my sturdy, weathered rock
crumbling apart, turning to dust

maybe that’s all life ever does
twist and hurt and end
maybe I just didn’t want to see it
but maybe that’s all it’s ever been

cause it’s all happening
it’s all falling apart
maybe no one ever
really finishes what they start

seems that life
just loves
to keep breaking your heart

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Filed under all, family, pain and loss

no more

what else
do you think
you can do
to my heart
can’t break
what’s already
broken apart

there’s nothing
you can do to me
no more
no pain my heart
hasn’t felt
before

now you’re coming
around here
well you can just
stop right there
it could never be
what it was before
that girl
isn’t even here
anymore

i’ll never
do that again
let someone
do me like
you did

your words
those weapons
can’t wound me
anymore
there’s nothing
you can say to me
i haven’t
heard before

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been there

he sees me
the way i used
to see you
half blinded
thinking
i’m too good
to be true
loving
desperately
but defensive
and insecure
and boy, have i
been there before
and maybe
for that
i love him
even more

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i’m yours and you’re mine

if the words are there
they just wont come out
so i just kind of
give you a pout
and your smile calms me
puts me at ease
and you just say,
“tell me baby, please”
so i just put it
as simply as i can
whatever the worry
you always take my hand
tell me that everything
is going to be fine
as long as i’m yours
and as long as you’re mine

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hey love

hey love
remember me?

i did everything wrong
and just hoped for the best
and man, did my pride
fail all of your tests

hey love
remember when?

back before then when we
were so fearless in our love
when we viewed it as though
the stars had aligned above

when our passions like our tempers
would burn and then simmer
until they bubbled and erupted
swept us up like a river

hey love
remember me?

the girl who you had said
loved you so much more
than any other girl
had ever loved you before

the girl who wrote you a poem
and then watched you cry
and when i asked you what was wrong
you simply replied

“i’m just so happy, that’s all.
that’s why”

fiery or emotional
it was always
the same
tears of joy
or frustration
full of passion
either way

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would i go back

if i could
how would i change it
it’s hard to decide
we were a fast and furious
roller coaster ride
we loved and fought
as if for years
in just that six month time

would i go back to january
that trip that we took
that ended up being
the last straw that it took
when we spent over a day in the airport
sleeping on benches
waiting to leave
silent and sad
or me begging on my knees

would i go back to december
the night of that
really big fight
erase the liquor, tears and bruises
so the weeks that followed
would have been alright

would i go back
to the night
you cheated on me
begged you
from two hours away
not to go
not to leave

would i go back to October
the night you’ll never forgive me for
when i was way too drunk to notice
that you were annoyed and at the bar
downing shots of jager
and heading for your car

would i go back to August
and tell you to take some time
to settle into your new life
before merging it with mine

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high school fantasy

i think maybe at first
you saw me as a prize
and you were trying on
your high school fantasy
for size

and it fit, for a while
like a dream
you would beam
but the threads were quickly
unraveling at the seams
and before long
there were tears as wide
as the knees
of my old jeans

and my heart, like those jeans
ripped little by little
until the night of that fight
when they both
tore down the middle

i knew then it was over
i just couldn’t admit it
like great shoes
you keep around
even if they don’t fit

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you’re here

i don’t know
what the future
will hold
i don’t know
where this story
will go

all i know
is you’re here
in my heart
here in my head
there in my dreams
when i lay down
in bed

i don’t know if you
will ever love me again
i don’t know if we’ll
ever really be friends

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Filed under bits and pieces, undone

the other side

i wonder
how you’d feel
if our roles
were reversed
if i had done
that to you
in that way
right at first

if it had
been me
taking you
for that ride
tell me,
how would
forgiveness look
from the other side?

how easy
do you
expect this
to be?
it’s not
about you,
remember?
it’s about me

you play
the victim
like regret
is the main event
but regret
flames bright
then dies out
and is spent

i have
no blame
to eat
to settle
the score
just heartache
fear
disappointment
and more

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, love and stuff, pain and loss, rambles

something new

i dont want you
to think i’m standing
with just one foot
inside the door
i just dont want
to say the same
things i’ve said
to other men before

its not that
i dont think
and feel these
same things you do
i just know
that when it’s ready
it’ll come out
as something new

something that
is just for you

and i want you
to have that
something special
thats just you and me
i want
this to become
what we both
feel it could be

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you tell me

you tell me
that i am thinking
too much
worrying about what if
and what could happen
and such

but i know myself better
than you know me
there are consequences
you either cant
or wont see
and right now i cant risk
my emotional stability

because whenever i was
lonely in the past
i allowed myself
to become attached
to anyone
who showed me
romantic attention
because of how badly
i craved the affection

and they
were mistakes
i’d have been better off
not making
because after
a little while
i felt like
i was faking

and i wouldn’t
want to hurt you
by leading you on
you wont
have my heart
right now
its long gone

but my heart
is sometimes tricked
even if my head
wont say so
and i don’t want
to feel hurt
if it’s you
that lets go

so it kind of feels like
a no win situation
no matter the manor
of it’s disintegration

i’d rather keep you around
in a positive way
because i like
when you’re there
at the end of my day

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high hopes and high pedastals

we came together so naturally
and fell apart so fast
kind of funny considering
we were so sure this would last
we had high hopes and high pedestals
we placed each other on
and before we knew what happened
those pedestals were gone

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cant be

this can’t be it
this can’t be goodbye
this can’t be you
laughing at me
while i cry

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more to say

it’s really too bad
that it’s over this way
when we both have
so much more to say
but none of it
would do any good,
anyway

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Filed under bits and pieces, pieces. parts.

what if i had

what if i
had walked away
instead of begging
you to stay

what if i
had said goodbye
instead of making you
watch me cry

would my pride
have eased
my pain somehow
would i feel
less pathetic
right now

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, undone

pages and pieces.

that little notebook
beside my bed
holds all the poems
that you never read

the thoughts i needed
to get out of my head
the ones i thought
were better left unsaid

when i felt lost
that book was my stage
old teardrops stain
almost every page

i re-read those words
as i make a new start
to try and collect the pieces
of my broken heart

somehow i’ll manage
to fashion them together
but those pieces, like those pages
will always remember

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still with me, for now

i’m finally in that place
where i’m looking ahead
instead of agonizing over
what i would have done instead

i’ve been filling my time
with people and places
catching up with many
old familiar faces

reminding myself
of what i like about who i am
and even remembering
to be better in the ways i can

but it’s still you
in the future i see
because that is still
what feels right to me

sometimes i talk to you
as if you were right there
and i’ll start to feel
that familiar, comforting air

i keep you in my thoughts
every single day
so that you are still
with me, in a way

it makes it hard for me to decide
what i want for myself
ideas stacked like the paperbacks
lining the top bookshelf

but i’m moving on like i should
with a life that’s my own
and in some ways, already
i can see that i’ve grown

there’s still a long road ahead
believe me, i know
but at least, for now
you’re still with me
wherever i go

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starting over

    i can’t quite seem to finish this one… it just doesn’t feel done. i’m going to post it anyway, but check back because i might just update this when i can get the rest of it out of me. ~mana

last year i concentrated
on enjoying what i had
so that i would never again
have to feel too sad

spending time with my parents
having fun with friends
spending all day outdoors
allowing myself to mend

because i learned how hard it is
to lose someone you love
how it affects you in ways
you would have never thought of

you were the first person
that i allowed into my heart
and you had free reign of it
right from the very start

so when things started to go wrong
i became more and more afraid
and i allowed it to effect my actions
and the decisions that i made

somewhere along the way
i guess i stopped listening to you
and i wasn’t able to read you
like i used to be able to do

i wish that at the time
i had been able to see
that i was slowly burying
the things you loved about me

my fear made me into someone
who was constantly insecure
who didn’t trust herself
and pushed you away, i’m sure

the pain of loss is overwhelming
when the people you love die
but somehow, it is even harder
when someone you love chooses
to say goodbye

so right now i am concentrating
on enjoying what i have
so i wont be consumed
with feeling so damn sad

i’m trying to be the kind of person
that i would want there for me
i’m remembering to trust and love myself
to fight off the insecurity

i’ve realized that i don’t need
to find the girl i was before
parts of her remain with me
but i am, and will be so much more

but you remain the man
that i carry inside my heart
and i will always consider you
to be my new beginning’s start

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do you

it seems like everything
reminds me of you
everywhere i go
everything i do

baby, please tell me
is it the same for you?

do you miss my laugh
or seeing me smile
do you miss how it felt
to hold me in your arms for a while

do you miss me at night
when you lay down in bed
are memories of me
constantly swirling through your head

didn’t i
love you enough
even when things
got really tough

i know i messed up
that i made mistakes
and i just wouldn’t
ease onto the brakes

but do you miss walking around
holding my hand
do you ever think
“Amanda would understand”

do you ever pick up your phone
to send me a text
change your mind and just
move on to whatevers next

does your heart ever feel
like someone is plucking its strings
do you know the pain
that missing you brings

do you feel like you may
never feel any better
do you hope that we
might get back together

cause baby, let me tell you
i do. i do.

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you loved me

i can remember
it exactly
the last time
that you told me
you loved me
it was a month ago now
but it seems longer
somehow
since that loving look
was in your eye
now when you look at me
i just want to cry
because i can see
that its missing
and i cant stop
reminiscing
back to the day
when you loved me more
than you could say
and i just cant help
but to think
youre not really trying
that you’re letting your heart
stay locked away in hiding
i think its because
youre afraid
its not going to work out
that you wont be able
to overcome your doubt
and you dont want
to go through the hurt
but you have to try
if this is going to work

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waiting for friday

five o’clock in the morning
still only half alive
crying as I watch you
walk down the drive
back to your life
to that place you call home
leaving me here in my space
to face another week on my own

five days until
I get to see you again
when you’ll hug and kiss me
and ask me how I’ve been
I’ll smile and say
I’ve been doing alright
being around you
always makes me feel light

but on those weekday mornings
when I wake up alone
and the distance between us
feels like it’s grown
I cant help but be sad
throughout most of the day
without you here
to hug it away

it’s not that i
don’t think we’ll be fine
I know how we both feel
we talk all the time
but I’m missing your hands
and seeing you smile
and just being able
to feel your presence for a while

I know that you
are feeling this way too
and there isn’t anything
either of us can do
we’ll just have to make do
with long phone calls and texts
until friday night
when we get to see each other next

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to jim, happy birthday

you are one of
the kindest people
that I have ever met
you’re warm,
and you’re thoughtful
and so compassionate

not often do I meet someone
who reminds me
of the kind of person
that I want to be
and I’m not used
to having someone like that
– someone like you-
love me

I feel like you get me,
like I don’t have to try
like you understand
where I’m coming from-
without asking me why

and you make me happy
by just being yourself;
you’re easy going and witty
and that’s enough in itself

but that’s just the surface
of what I love about you,
so here’s a few more things
I love that you do;

I love that you love bowling
and like to see me sweat
I don’t even mind
that you haven’t given up
rooting for the Yankees -yet

I love the words you use
and I like the way you reason
and I think its cute
the way you get all
revved up for football season

I love it that you sing to me
and I cant even describe
the way that I feel
when you look at me
with those adoring big brown eyes

I love that you kiss me in public
and always hold my hand
and I just don’t foresee
any issue being one
that naked wrestling can’t impede

I love it when you giggle
and I want you to know
that your concern for my well being
is both endearing and adorable

so I can only hope
that I can make you as happy
as you’ve already made me,
but I know I will
because deep down I feel
that this is meant to be.

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closure

i know you’ve been waiting
to hear something from me
if you can keep your distance
you can have it to read

i fell in love with the man
i thought you would be
the man that i knew
not very many could see
and for a really long time
i tried ignoring the signs
that you were not at all
what i had had in mind

you were weak and needy
in way more ways than one
and i always felt too guilty
to do what i knew
needed to be done

you should have known
that something between us was wrong
when i refused to call you my boyfriend
all those months, all along
when something is right
you really want to belong

you were jealous
and insecure
you blame me
and that’s true, i’m sure
because i just
wasn’t in it
and you don’t want to,
but you knew that –
admit it

you’re a grown man
going nowhere
who pities himself
and i’m proud
that youre now a memory
getting dusty on my shelf

cause the things that i heard
that everyone told me
like that girl that you dated
remember all your innocent stories?
i no longer believe
a word that you said
because i’ve seen firsthand
the way you can get
and p.s.
having been in your bed
is something i truly regret

i will never love a man
who has disrespected me
or gets violent, especially after
knowing my history

so you can go to hell
or if i have my way – to jail
at least then
you can only stalk me by mail

i hope for your sake
someday you get your shit together
but i don’t want to hear from you
and i mean it – not ever
i will have you arrested again
if you come back around
and yes, cold is how
i want that to sound

so here it is
this is all that you get
and you should keep this
because you are a memory
that i plan to forget

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quiet

those times you get quiet
and run away in your head
I wish I could hear
the words your mind has said
I need to know how you think
how you work these things through
if I’m ever going to be able
to really understand you

not sure how to react
when you get like this
I just can’t help but wonder
what it is that I missed

because I can usually see
this kind of stuff coming on
I read people well
or at least that’s what I thought

I think there are things about me
that are starting to upset you
but they’ve been here all along
they are things you already knew

you’re really open minded
but you’re pretty stubborn too
when it comes to the things
that just don’t make sense to you

I know that you’re willing
to work these things through
and I know you don’t want to ask me
to change myself for you

I want to be able to tell you
that I will just do it
but I don’t want to say that
if it isn’t legit

I just wasn’t expecting
this to become an issue
and it’s not that these things
are more important to me than you

but there’s a part of me that resists
when someone wants me to change
our relationship shouldn’t be dependant
on some kind of exchange

I want you to love me for me
not just the person I can be
if I were to change the things
you think are unhealthy for me

but I know that you do
and it’s upsetting you, too
that you can’t just get over
the things that are bothering you

I love you enough
that I’m willing to do it
but I don’t think it’s a bad thing
if it takes me a bit

it’s going to take me some time
to convince myself it’s what’s best
for me and my future
and not just our relationship’s
best interest

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the lasting kind

baby, i’ve been thinking
about you and me
i’ve been thinking about how happy
i know we will be

baby, you amaze me
this swelling in my chest
does nothing but assure me
that this is so much better
than any of the rest
of the times in my life
that i thought i was happy
i dont even care
that i constantly sound
so sappy

this happiness i feel
does nothing but soothe me
i never thought
that relationships this good
could ever be this easy

and i know this is real
theres no doubt in my mind
that this love that we share
is the lasting kind

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still with you

five days in a row
i dont get to see your face
five days a week
separated by so much space
i sit and stare at your photos
the days that i’m alone
thinking about how crazy it is
that your arms have become
the place i feel
most at home

two hour drive
every friday and sunday
two hours away
is where my heart will stay
because when the weekend is over
and its my time to go
i somehow find
the strength to leave
but my chest refuses
and just says, “no”
“no, i wont go”

so while you’re up there
and i’m down here
so much of me
is still with you, dear

i’m there when you laugh
and whenever you smile
so never think that you
haven’t seen me in a while
i’m there in the mirror
and in the curve of your chest
there in that place
you know i like best

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men i’ve known

i’ve been thinking about love
and the men that i’ve known
the ways they all ended
the ways we’ve all grown

brad was a good guy
reliable, strong
always emotional when things
between us went wrong
it was sweet but got old
being with someone so needy
he somehow made me feel
like wanting any time away from him
made me greedy

jake was a mans man
but a cuddler too
it was one of our
top 3 favorite things to do
we loved each other fiercly
and we fought fiercly too
we both did horrible things
we never thought we’d do
we took each other for granted
like people often do
and i started thinking
that i wanted something new

corey was the cool guy
his attitude made him hot
ambitious and adorable
available he was not
we flirted daily hot and heavy
we’d spend the night
every few weeks
online i’d see pictures
of his girlfriend
of whom he would rarely speak
i felt guilty
but couldnt stop
my attraction was consuming
it slowly stopped
3 weeks became 5
and our seperate lives
just kept moving

matthew was perfect
in my head anyway
he moved not long after we met
so in my head
thats how he’ll stay
he was easygoing and empathetic
we liked all of the same things
i love the chills
the thought of our first kiss
still brings
i met him online
we wrote long letters for weeks
i was cautious but curious
so i arranged for us to meet
he didnt know then
he would be leaving
but i’ll never regret
the few short weeks
that started that evening

i’ve been thinking about love
and the men that i’ve known
the ways they all ended
that left me here alone

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parting ways

i need to take some time
away from this whole deal
to try and figure out
exactly how i feel
i dont mean to be selfish
but i hope you would agree
that i need to make a choice
about whats best for me

life is a journey
a path you walk down
and you share parts of it
with others you’ve found
and often those paths
part ways down the line
and this fork may be
the end of yours and mine

maybe those paths
will merge once again
maybe we can even
somehow still be friends
but i’m on my way
this journey is my own
i’m looking for someone
who wants to help me to grow
but right now thats not you
and you know it’s so

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why cant you

why cant you
put yourself
in my place
it cant
be that hard
the emotion
is written
all over my face

why does everything
have to be
about you
was changing myself
ever something
that i agreed to do?

i want to bail
but i feel guilty too
because i know
you wont believe
that i did
fall in love with you

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without you

i know i was the one
who said we were done
who threw in the towel
and started to run

well what can i say
baby, you know me
illusions of greener grass
swept me off my feet

i didn’t know
who i was
without you as half of me
i just knew
i needed to see

i was scared
of being stuck behind
a constant back and forth
that left me numb inside

cause you were it
you were all that i had
and i don’t know why
but it made me mad

cause i didn’t know
who i was
if you weren’t half of me
i just knew
i wanted to see

but right now
looking at you
i cant help but remember
how in spite of it all
you could see
how happy we were

and now here i am
trying to understand
who i am without you
i wish i could tell you
that i knew

now here i am
trying to understand
how i can live without you
i only wish
that i knew

cause i didn’t know
who i was
without you as half of me
and now i am
and i’m not sure
i like what i see

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valentines

Valentines Day of 98
was one of my
first real dates
and older guy
with romance in mind
surprised me with flowers
balloons and a monkey
at fifteen i was thinking
i was so lucky

when we were young
when the nights
seemed so long

valentines day of 99
i was yours and you were mine
you had your head in my lap
a tear in your eye
determined to give
this love your best try

you and I
we’d spend hours
driving around
with the windows down

remember that field
on that hill in your old tempo
lost in each other eyes
feeling our hearts grow

remember those days
meeting in the hallways
remember those nights
those silly high school fights

Valentines Day 2004
i was so in love
i was so sure
that that was it
that new man and I
the words he wrote me
made me cry

Valentines of 2009
the first one without
that man in my life
memories of past days
hit me like waves
and i long to know
just where did those loves go?

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sorry for that

i don’t know
who you think
that you are
screaming at me
right in my face
inside my car
but that isn’t going
to get you very far

yell at me
and i’ll yell back
i might even give
your face a smack
but if you even think
about hitting me back
you might as well
gather your things
and pack

cause my daddy’ll
make you sorry for that

alcohol can’t replace
the courage you lack
you do so many shots
you can’t even keep track
and i’m getting pity looks
from behind your back
you already know
how i can’t stand that

so i might make you
sorry for that

you’re hurt
cause you’re jealous
something i can’t just fix
you’re used to girls
who lie and play tricks
but what can i say
i’m not those girls
me and drama don’t mix

don’t act like an ass
in front of our friends
you’ll lose my respect
if this becomes a trend
and after that
won’t be something
you’ll be able to mend

you know me
i can’t help but keep track
trust and respect
are hard to earn back

and you might end up
sorry for that

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falling hard

its funny how this
always seems to go
i’m falling hard
even though i know
that we’re moving to quickly
and i’m just not ready
to commit to something
this heady
this steady

it’s obvious to me
that the feeling is right
i’m craving your company
every single night
i’m sleeping in your clothes
the nights i’m in my own bed
the smell of you bringing
sweet thoughts to my head

i’m not sure
what it is about you
that makes me feel
the way that i do
but i’m hesitating
and its me – it’s not you
i know it sounds cliche
but its also true

i’m not sure what to do
with the situation we’re in
don’t want to pull back or move forward
is that such a sin?

i’m happy right now
with the way that things are
let’s just live and have fun
without looking ahead very far

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goodbye to you, gt

i’m not going to cry
over you anymore
wont let you hurt me
so you can feel
like you’re settling the score

i’m moving on
moving past all this bullshit
trying someone else on for size
you obviously didn’t fit

not going to be sad
wont give you the satisfaction
not going to act out either
just to get a reaction

gonna move around the room
and smile like i do
be appreciated by those
so much more mature than you

i don’t care if you see it
take it or leave it
learn something from it
or just throw a fit

i clearly misjudged you
right from the start
or hit some nerve on the head
with some familiar sharp dart

i’m not sure which it is
at this point i dont care
because your rude comments
are completely unfair

but hear what you want
and think what you will
you’re nothing but drama
and i’ve had my fill

so come down off your horse
and get over yourself
trying putting your resentments
up on a shelf

stop bitching and moaning
and drawing lines with our friends
go ahead treat me like a stranger
you’re good at playing pretend

it’s funny how you’d say
“when you grow up”
since i’ve been the only one of us
thats been acting like a grown up

i’m sorry you got hurt
that you feel disappointed
that it makes you assume i used you
but my intentions were poignant

we both know
what is real – what was said
at least i do
i didnt have six shots or more
clouding my head

i wish you the best
i wish you felt the same
but i know you’re weak
so you go ahead and think
i’m to blame

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fire and ice

she wants to slow dance
to silence
in the middle of the room
and she wants to sleep in
wrapped in your arms until noon
but the only time
she’ll ever commit to is “soon”

cause shes got on her mind
all the things
she hasn’t yet got to try
shes not quite ready
to commit to one guy
and her first impulse
is always to lie

can you blame her?
you just cant tame her.

shes got one of those smiles
that lights up her eyes
and they radiate heartache
whenever she cries
you just want to hold her
tell her
you’ll make it alright
she hugs you and you think
that you really just might
do whatever it takes
to give her back that light

cause she is a carnival ride
all fire and ice
her laugh makes you stop
and think god,
thats nice

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whats best

i’m not sure
what you want me to say
when you start
to look at me
in that way

its not like we havent
been through it all before
you know i’m giving you
what i can
and i know youre going
to be looking for more

neither one of us
really wants all this
to come to an end
but we both know
that its lurking
somewhere up
around one of these bends

i just wish
you could relax
and enjoy the moment
and stop looking for me
to make some kind
of atonement

for the state
that you fear
you’ll be left in
even as you tell me
you understand
and are absolutely
still in

i dont think
that you realize
that i can read you
like a book
i know what each
of your smiles mean
every movement
and sideways look

but you never own up
to the truth
of how youre feeling
even after i hit you with it
so i have no way
to help you
with dealing

i cant help that i’m
not having a problem with it
i’ve told you i’m just looking
to spend some time
and have fun for a bit

you have to realize
that youre pushing the issue
maybe youre subconsciously
asking me
to tell you we’re through

and you know
i dont mean it
just like i know
its true
that cutting you lose
would be whats best
for you.

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