Tag Archives: scared

Goodbyes

All I really asked for was honesty
For you to be upfront with me
It was something you said
You understood I would need
We used to talk about it constantly
You told me so many times
How you never lie
How you could never cheat
How you didn’t want to be with her
Regardless of being with me

Guess the joke all along was on me

I knew you could be cold
When you want to be
You can shut off a switch
Convince yourself so easily
Of whatever it is
You need to believe

You said I had trouble seeing past myself
That commment was true
Whether you realize it or not
You have that problem too
You don’t always take the time
To really see other points of view

You asked me once
If I would hate you for this
Back when it had just began
I told you it would really suck for me
I’d be sad, but I’d understand

And I would have.

I know it’s all the same to you
It’s not like we could have stayed friends
But did you really have to handle it that way
Is this really how you needed it to end?

You had all the power here
You just stopped speaking to me
Guess I should have listened
To the bad feeling I’d had recently

If you had just done what you promised
Been open and honest with me
It could have been so different
It didn’t need to hurt so badly

One conversation would have made the difference
Just to me, I know, not you
Now it seems you had… other things to do

So I can only assume you wanted
Me to hurt in the worst possible way
To mourn you like the dead
Who just disappear one day

Without a single word to say

I guess I never meant that much to you
For you to want to be that cruel
If you were scared you should know that didn’t come from me
It comes from inside you
I didn’t even know about her
Cry was all I figured I’d do
If I had shown up I probably
Would have laughed a little too
At myself just as much
As at the two of you

Because I’m your joke now, right
The forgotten tryst
The crazy blight
The one you just ignore outright
Does it give you those bad dreams at night?

I’m sure it will be blissful for a while, it always is
The sex should be much better
But that’s an easy goal to hit
The comfort, the safety
Mixed with the freshness of starting new
Will feel really amazing for a while too
Who knows maybe she’s the one
And she’ll grow old with you

I don’t wish you any ill will
Because that’s not the heart I have
You never could fully understand
My perspective on all that

But don’t take all my goodbyes
In all these rhyming lines
To mean I haven’t moved on
Just one single feeling
Can inspire a hundred songs

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

Wells

I seek out wells to drown myself in
Dressed up in nice eyes and warm skin
A shadowy place to hide
Like a broken welcome sign
Atop an abandoned mine
That just echoes back the denial
that bounces around in my mind
Until I believe the me I’m pretending to be
Until I can only see what my depression needs me to believe
Until I wake up one day
And don’t recognize me
Trapped inside a cage of my own making
knees shaking, heart aching
With the realization
That I’ve been hiding my life away
Performing the same one act play
Reminding myself it’s what I wanted
To escape; to dissolve;
To fall like crumpled paper from pockets
So no one would see me flailing
So no one would see me failing

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Filed under all, introspection, love and stuff

afraid to lose

why am i
so afraid to choose
is it just because i
am so afraid to lose

i’m not even sure
what i’m holding on for
i guess i’m just scared
that less is never more

that to have is better
than to be without
that loneliness is never
easier than doubt

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, undone

forward

what do you have to give up
in order to reach your potential
how do you choose priorities
among the things
you find essential
to your future
or your happiness
they’re not always the same
at the time you have to choose
it can be hard to explain
what it is that you want
and more importantly, why
you’re scared to death
that life is passing you by

no one wants to wake up
ten years down the line
and wonder what the hell happened
to the dreams they once had in mind

but how do you pick yourself up
and begin to move forward
when you no longer know
what it is you’re moving toward

do you have to know
who you are
in order to pick up the pace
or does that come when you
finally finish the race

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Filed under all, random

without you

i know i was the one
who said we were done
who threw in the towel
and started to run

well what can i say
baby, you know me
illusions of greener grass
swept me off my feet

i didn’t know
who i was
without you as half of me
i just knew
i needed to see

i was scared
of being stuck behind
a constant back and forth
that left me numb inside

cause you were it
you were all that i had
and i don’t know why
but it made me mad

cause i didn’t know
who i was
if you weren’t half of me
i just knew
i wanted to see

but right now
looking at you
i cant help but remember
how in spite of it all
you could see
how happy we were

and now here i am
trying to understand
who i am without you
i wish i could tell you
that i knew

now here i am
trying to understand
how i can live without you
i only wish
that i knew

cause i didn’t know
who i was
without you as half of me
and now i am
and i’m not sure
i like what i see

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Filed under all, introspection, love and stuff

waiting

i am waiting
always waiting
to learn something
to feel something
to want anything
badly enough
to stir me to motion
to engage me enough
to be willing
willing to be scared
to start over
to trust myself
enough
enough to believe
that there is something here
something to do
and someone to be
and something simply
to say.

soon.
before this stirring
turns to sinking
as i constantly fear
it has already done
yet i am waiting

always waiting
for something
something
anything

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Filed under all, introspection