Tag Archives: shame

Fleeting Visits With Bitterness

I hope she breaks your heart again
The way that you did mine
I hope the shame she put in you
Comes back to eat at you over time
I hope your chest swells
With the terrifying kind of butterflies
The crushing kind of emptiness
That makes you feel like you could die

I hope she just up and leaves you
Without a goodbye, without an end
Like you never even mattered
Like you were never even sort-of friends

I hope she tells everyone you’re crazy
That you’re deranged, that you need help
I hope she hooks right up with a guy she told you over and over you would never have to worry about

I hope she breaks every promise
That she ever made to you
Turns around and does all the things
She specifically assured you she wouldn’t do

I hope the confusion makes you panicked
Makes you scared, makes you sick
I hope it takes you by such surprise
You don’t know how to handle it

I hope you drown yourself in tears
I hope it makes you feel pathetic
I hope it makes you afraid to sleep again
I hope you fucking regret it

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Filed under all, pain and loss, random

Open Me Up

Sitting in the front seat
Watching the moon rise
Its climbing up through the tree tops
Straight ahead in my eye line
Slowly, steadily, exposing the star lights
I’m watching as the moon shine
creates shadows against the night sky

The beauty of the moment feels heady
But my heart feels hard and unsteady

Moonlight give me peace
Open me up to release
Moonlight keep me still
Show me how to let go of this guilt

All I can see is time
like the moon, flying by
And all I feel is paralyzed
Shadows have imprisoned me
here in my memory
I’ve shackled myself to the past
and it all keeps replaying
And so I’m saying

Moonlight heal my shame
Show me how to let go of my pain
Moonlight give me peace
Open me up to release

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Filed under all, introspection

addicted

it’s like
i’m addicted
to making
poor decisions
i know better
and yet
its like i get
tunnel-vision
and immediately
after
my head
fills with shame
stupid
stupid
you have
no one else
to blame

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, introspection, rambles

lessons

life’s a long line
of lessons
you start to learn
when you’re young
and just continues
as you get older
there’s always
more to come

you learn
compassion
through exhaustion
that you are not
the only one
resiliency through
the pains that
you have had
to overcome

decency
through shame
past crimes
you can’t change
hurt caused
where you were
the only one
to blame

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, random, undone

depressed

there was a time when i
was constantly full of shame
a time when i
felt riddled with blame
for anything
and everything
that you could think of
a thoughtless word
a really loud hiccup
its silly to think
that i wasted
so much time
caught up in all
these insecurities
that lived in my mind

the depressed
always remember
everything they’ve done
everything they’ve said
that was hurtful
or sounded stupid
and they just keep repeating
in the back of their heads
it makes them embarrassed
to be who they are
and it makes it
impossible for them
to stray very far
from the comfort
of their solitude
the assurance
that being alone
means that they don’t
have to worry
about trying to atone
for the mistakes
that they’ve made
that way no one ever
has to know

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Filed under all, introspection