when 30 was old

i still remember
when thirty was old
and my twenties
were calling
with adventures unknown

when your friends
were your life
and time
felt endless
when heartache
was consuming
and love
was breathless

when life
felt fresh
and everything
was brand new
and there
were always
so many exciting
things to do

first job
first car
first place
all your own
the first time
you reflect
on how much
you have grown

the first time
you realize
how often your parents
were right
during so many of those
long forgotten
adolescent fights

back when i didn’t realize
i’d be so surprised
when each year came
that deep inside
i would still feel
very much the same

that at thirty
i wouldn’t really
feel like i was old
just a girl
that has so many
more stories
to unfold

memories

everyone is flawed
in their own
little ways
everyone has
their good and
their bad days

we would argue for hours
over who had got more
who’s fault it was
who had the best score
we would go back and forth
when we couldn’t be heard
and try out every
new swear word
or insult
we’d learned

you were always so
over-dramatic
in everything
that you would do
but i don’t need
to perfect your image
in my memory
to miss you

good or bad times
i miss them all
no matter how big
no matter how small

hey love

hey love
remember me?

i did everything wrong
and just hoped for the best
and man, did my pride
fail all of your tests

hey love
remember when?

back before then when we
were so fearless in our love
when we viewed it as though
the stars had aligned above

when our passions like our tempers
would burn and then simmer
until they bubbled and erupted
swept us up like a river

hey love
remember me?

the girl who you had said
loved you so much more
than any other girl
had ever loved you before

the girl who wrote you a poem
and then watched you cry
and when i asked you what was wrong
you simply replied

“i’m just so happy, that’s all.
that’s why”

fiery or emotional
it was always
the same
tears of joy
or frustration
full of passion
either way

stars

we stared at the moon 
so big
full of wonder
and surprise
while the stars
shined thousands
of dancing lights
at our eyes

history (not wasting time)

i look for comfort
in a lot of the wrong places
i spend all my time
reading people’s faces

looking for meaning
in the lives that exist around me
giving my heart
to all those who surround me

History is just the study
of people over time
our culture a reflection
of the collective human mind

maybe i’m searching for something
that i cant define
but something is telling me
i’m not wasting my time

progress is impossible
if no one ever really tries
too busy being surprised
by how fast time flies

would i go back

if i could
how would i change it
it’s hard to decide
we were a fast and furious
roller coaster ride
we loved and fought
as if for years
in just that six month time

would i go back to january
that trip that we took
that ended up being
the last straw that it took
when we spent over a day in the airport
sleeping on benches
waiting to leave
silent and sad
or me begging on my knees

would i go back to december
the night of that
really big fight
erase the liquor, tears and bruises
so the weeks that followed
would have been alright

would i go back
to the night
you cheated on me
begged you
from two hours away
not to go
not to leave

would i go back to October
the night you’ll never forgive me for
when i was way too drunk to notice
that you were annoyed and at the bar
downing shots of jager
and heading for your car

would i go back to August
and tell you to take some time
to settle into your new life
before merging it with mine

unsaid

it just happened one day
she finished her coffee
put her mug in the sink
didn’t even stop
for a minute to think
she went to the bedroom
packed just one bag
then walked out the front door
without looking back

left him to deal
with all of her things
and the pain and heartache
that abandonment brings

after she left
she didn’t even cry
this time (oh this time)
her eyes were dry

it wasn’t
the first time
she had driven away
only this time her things
weren’t thrown on the lawn
or flung in her face

after everything
said and done
he really shouldn’t
have been surprised

the only word
she left
unsaid
was goodbye

last night

last night
making love to you
i cried
a release
of the emotions
held captive
by my pride

high school fantasy

i think maybe at first
you saw me as a prize
and you were trying on
your high school fantasy
for size

and it fit, for a while
like a dream
you would beam
but the threads were quickly
unraveling at the seams
and before long
there were tears as wide
as the knees
of my old jeans

and my heart, like those jeans
ripped little by little
until the night of that fight
when they both
tore down the middle

i knew then it was over
i just couldn’t admit it
like great shoes
you keep around
even if they don’t fit

mad hatter

i’m all over
the place
scattered
shattered
unsure
of what matters
the slowly
unraveling
lonely
mad hatter

lies

i know
that when you offer
to look me
in the eyes
whatever follows
will be
lies
lies
lies

sometimes

sometimes it seems
like you’re in too much
of a hurry
sometimes it feels
like the line between us
is a little blurry

this is a new game
for me, anyway
i know the rules
but i’ve never played

sometimes it’s hard to tell
if you’re just having fun
or if you
are starting trouble
from which i should run

you’re here

i don’t know
what the future
will hold
i don’t know
where this story
will go

all i know
is you’re here
in my heart
here in my head
there in my dreams
when i lay down
in bed

i don’t know if you
will ever love me again
i don’t know if we’ll
ever really be friends

traces

everything evolves
nothing
stays the same
feelings may
change
but traces
remain

breaking

it’s too beautiful
the water
the sun
the warmth that it’s making

for me to be
sitting here
faking

for my
heart
to be breaking