Lost

I let myself get lost in you
In the distraction
Of something so refreshing, so new
And so very quickly
Without even meaning to
I became emotionally dependent on you

So without you
I feel so utterly alone
Like I could collapse on myself
Like I’m all skin and no bone

still waters

its a lamb
of a spring day
the waters are still
i soak up the sun
and study the rocks
below this grassy hill

and i think
about life
i ponder its mysteries
i fell small
so i conjure
your presence from my memories

i sit there with you
and hear symphonies
in the silence
and i can feel your smile
radiating light
full of kindness

so i close
my eyes
feel the wind on my face
content not to
feel alone
in this beautiful place

i’m always up
for a good time
if the feeling
is right
i go
with the flow
i don’t
like to fight

but don’t tell me that i
shouldn’t be alone
at this time of night
when i know
it’s my bed
you have in your sight

everyone tells me

everyone tells me
i’m going to be fine
that i just have
to give it some time

but time only makes me
feel that much more alone
and i still see your face
every time i look at my phone

its even harder to know
that you’re doing alright
not that i’m surprised
i figured you might

but why is it so much easier
for you to get over me?
what is it that i
am failing to see?

why didn’t you love me
the way i love you?
did i really make it
that impossible to do?

everyone tells me
i’m going to be fine
that i just need
to give it some time

but nothing was better
than time spent with you
being without that is something
i just cant get used to

waiting for friday

five o’clock in the morning
still only half alive
crying as I watch you
walk down the drive
back to your life
to that place you call home
leaving me here in my space
to face another week on my own

five days until
I get to see you again
when you’ll hug and kiss me
and ask me how I’ve been
I’ll smile and say
I’ve been doing alright
being around you
always makes me feel light

but on those weekday mornings
when I wake up alone
and the distance between us
feels like it’s grown
I cant help but be sad
throughout most of the day
without you here
to hug it away

it’s not that i
don’t think we’ll be fine
I know how we both feel
we talk all the time
but I’m missing your hands
and seeing you smile
and just being able
to feel your presence for a while

I know that you
are feeling this way too
and there isn’t anything
either of us can do
we’ll just have to make do
with long phone calls and texts
until friday night
when we get to see each other next

depressed

there was a time when i
was constantly full of shame
a time when i
felt riddled with blame
for anything
and everything
that you could think of
a thoughtless word
a really loud hiccup
its silly to think
that i wasted
so much time
caught up in all
these insecurities
that lived in my mind

the depressed
always remember
everything they’ve done
everything they’ve said
that was hurtful
or sounded stupid
and they just keep repeating
in the back of their heads
it makes them embarrassed
to be who they are
and it makes it
impossible for them
to stray very far
from the comfort
of their solitude
the assurance
that being alone
means that they don’t
have to worry
about trying to atone
for the mistakes
that they’ve made
that way no one ever
has to know