Tag Archives: heartbreak

Goodbyes

All I really asked for was honesty
For you to be upfront with me
It was something you said
You understood I would need
We used to talk about it constantly
You told me so many times
How you never lie
How you could never cheat
How you didn’t want to be with her
Regardless of being with me

Guess the joke all along was on me

I knew you could be cold
When you want to be
You can shut off a switch
Convince yourself so easily
Of whatever it is
You need to believe

You said I had trouble seeing past myself
That commment was true
Whether you realize it or not
You have that problem too
You don’t always take the time
To really see other points of view

You asked me once
If I would hate you for this
Back when it had just began
I told you it would really suck for me
I’d be sad, but I’d understand

And I would have.

I know it’s all the same to you
It’s not like we could have stayed friends
But did you really have to handle it that way
Is this really how you needed it to end?

You had all the power here
You just stopped speaking to me
Guess I should have listened
To the bad feeling I’d had recently

If you had just done what you promised
Been open and honest with me
It could have been so different
It didn’t need to hurt so badly

One conversation would have made the difference
Just to me, I know, not you
Now it seems you had… other things to do

So I can only assume you wanted
Me to hurt in the worst possible way
To mourn you like the dead
Who just disappear one day

Without a single word to say

I guess I never meant that much to you
For you to want to be that cruel
If you were scared you should know that didn’t come from me
It comes from inside you
I didn’t even know about her
Cry was all I figured I’d do
If I had shown up I probably
Would have laughed a little too
At myself just as much
As at the two of you

Because I’m your joke now, right
The forgotten tryst
The crazy blight
The one you just ignore outright
Does it give you those bad dreams at night?

I’m sure it will be blissful
For a while, it always is
The sex should be much better
But that’s an easy goal to hit
The comfort, the safety
Mixed with the freshness of starting new
Will feel really amazing for a while too
Who knows maybe she’s the one
And she’ll grow old with you

I don’t wish you any ill will
Because that’s not the heart I have
You never could fully understand
My perspective on all that

But don’t take all my goodbyes
In all these rhyming lines
To mean I haven’t moved on
Just one single feeling
Can inspire a hundred songs

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

breaking your heart

I’m watching it all falling to pieces
and I just don’t want to believe it
seeing my sturdy, weathered rock
crumbling apart, turning to dust

maybe that’s all life ever does
twist and hurt and end
maybe I just didn’t want to see it
but maybe that’s all it’s ever been

cause it’s all happening
it’s all falling apart
maybe no one ever
really finishes what they start

seems that life
just loves
to keep breaking your heart

Leave a comment

Filed under all, family, pain and loss

hey Lonnie

Hey Lonnie,
do you remember the time
back before you and I
had even turned nine

I wanted one of your stickers
so I bargained with you
you asked for a kiss on the lips
which you didn’t think I’d do

I gave you a good peck on the mouth
in an awkward, childish way
Picked up my new sticker and walked away
but you followed me
around school the next day
you and our friend TJ
chanting over and over
“Lonnie loves A.D.”

but I was embarrassed
and I didn’t know what to do
not sure if I should let you know
that I liked you

and just the next week
your family up and left
and I never did see you again

I was sad and regretful
even at that age
I wrote our initials in a heart
on every single page
I would fantasize about you
moving back to town
holding hands, telling our friends
that we were ‘going out’

but at that age
it was hard to keep track
and you never did
end up coming back

when I was alone I would
think about you incessantly
but even that young
I knew things could change suddenly

so you were my daydream
my bitter-sweet memory

A loss that shaped the way
I’ve dealt with heartbreak
to this day

Leave a comment

Filed under all, introspection, random