Beacon

I am a beacon for broken people

Everyone’s lives are filled with loss
Sometimes it tears your life apart
So I make myself a caretaker
Of other human hearts
Sooth their hurts
Kiss their scars
Encourage them to love who they are

Goodbyes

All I really asked for was honesty
For you to be upfront with me
It was something you said
You understood I would need
We used to talk about it constantly
You told me so many times
How you never lie
How you could never cheat
How you didn’t want to be with her
Regardless of being with me

Guess the joke all along was on me

I knew you could be cold
When you want to be
You can shut off a switch
Convince yourself so easily
Of whatever it is
You need to believe

You said I had trouble seeing past myself
That commment was true
Whether you realize it or not
You have that problem too
You don’t always take the time
To really see other points of view

You asked me once
If I would hate you for this
Back when it had just began
I told you it would really suck for me
I’d be sad, but I’d understand

And I would have.

I know it’s all the same to you
It’s not like we could have stayed friends
But did you really have to handle it that way
Is this really how you needed it to end?

You had all the power here
You just stopped speaking to me
Guess I should have listened
To the bad feeling I’d had recently

If you had just done what you promised
Been open and honest with me
It could have been so different
It didn’t need to hurt so badly

One conversation would have made the difference
Just to me, I know, not you
Now it seems you had… other things to do

So I can only assume you wanted
Me to hurt in the worst possible way
To mourn you like the dead
Who just disappear one day

Without a single word to say

I guess I never meant that much to you
For you to want to be that cruel
If you were scared you should know that didn’t come from me
It comes from inside you
I didn’t even know about her
Cry was all I figured I’d do
If I had shown up I probably
Would have laughed a little too
At myself just as much
As at the two of you

Because I’m your joke now, right
The forgotten tryst
The crazy blight
The one you just ignore outright
Does it give you those bad dreams at night?

I’m sure it will be blissful
For a while, it always is
The sex should be much better
But that’s an easy goal to hit
The comfort, the safety
Mixed with the freshness of starting new
Will feel really amazing for a while too
Who knows maybe she’s the one
And she’ll grow old with you

I don’t wish you any ill will
Because that’s not the heart I have
You never could fully understand
My perspective on all that

But don’t take all my goodbyes
In all these rhyming lines
To mean I haven’t moved on
Just one single feeling
Can inspire a hundred songs

tell me

i just want you to tell me
that i didn’t hurt you too bad
i just want to know
that deep down
you still think i’m kinda fab

do you

it seems like everything
reminds me of you
everywhere i go
everything i do

baby, please tell me
is it the same for you?

do you miss my laugh
or seeing me smile
do you miss how it felt
to hold me in your arms for a while

do you miss me at night
when you lay down in bed
are memories of me
constantly swirling through your head

didn’t i
love you enough
even when things
got really tough

i know i messed up
that i made mistakes
and i just wouldn’t
ease onto the brakes

but do you miss walking around
holding my hand
do you ever think
“Amanda would understand”

do you ever pick up your phone
to send me a text
change your mind and just
move on to whatevers next

does your heart ever feel
like someone is plucking its strings
do you know the pain
that missing you brings

do you feel like you may
never feel any better
do you hope that we
might get back together

cause baby, let me tell you
i do. i do.

goodbye to you, gt

i’m not going to cry
over you anymore
wont let you hurt me
so you can feel
like you’re settling the score

i’m moving on
moving past all this bullshit
trying someone else on for size
you obviously didn’t fit

not going to be sad
wont give you the satisfaction
not going to act out either
just to get a reaction

gonna move around the room
and smile like i do
be appreciated by those
so much more mature than you

i don’t care if you see it
take it or leave it
learn something from it
or just throw a fit

i clearly misjudged you
right from the start
or hit some nerve on the head
with some familiar sharp dart

i’m not sure which it is
at this point i dont care
because your rude comments
are completely unfair

but hear what you want
and think what you will
you’re nothing but drama
and i’ve had my fill

so come down off your horse
and get over yourself
trying putting your resentments
up on a shelf

stop bitching and moaning
and drawing lines with our friends
go ahead treat me like a stranger
you’re good at playing pretend

it’s funny how you’d say
“when you grow up”
since i’ve been the only one of us
thats been acting like a grown up

i’m sorry you got hurt
that you feel disappointed
that it makes you assume i used you
but my intentions were poignant

we both know
what is real – what was said
at least i do
i didnt have six shots or more
clouding my head

i wish you the best
i wish you felt the same
but i know you’re weak
so you go ahead and think
i’m to blame