Category Archives: all

This is the bulk of my collection of poems, showing all topics. You can visit the Bits and Pieces section (which is home to my unfinished pieces) to get to the rest of them.

Chasing Fantasies

I’m always chasing down the fantasy
Instead of letting it breathe
Smothering it with this insatiable need
As if I can’t wait to prove
It’s never as good in reality

I can never hold out
I can’t seem to say no
Too curious to see
Where the story will go

Can’t not send the text
Can’t not return the kiss
Can’t not do
What I think he expects

It always ends with disappointment
That carves a hollow ache
The plight of a heart that always gives
When there’s nothing to take

Who just wants to feel heard
Who just wants to feel seen
Who wants you to do what you say you’ll do
Who wants you to say what you mean

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Filed under all, introspection, longing

Mission to Mars

This was something I wrote for a writing project, as part of an online community I’m a part of. I (of course) chose to write a poem, but the topic was a future setting where mankind was going to Mars. I missed the deadline to submit for the project, so this has been hanging out in my notebook and needs a home.
If you’re a creative type, and you’ve never heard of hitRECord I suggest checking it out. It works as a production company, they make all kinds of art and media and collaborate on it. If you’re at all curious, there is probably something for you there.

 

We have wasted and turned to dust
What once was beautiful green and lush
Now we can travel to the red world above
But what can she really offer us?

Us, who destroy and degrade and consume
Us, who blindly orchestrate our own doom

I stand on charred earth
And look up at the stars
But it feels wrong to join them
To claim planets as ours

Maybe, as they say, it was
An inevitable evolution
Or maybe it’s a hail mary
A kind of desperate delusion

Either way it feels wrong
To leave the earth we destroyed
Disrespected, neglected
Treated like a toy

Even if mankind makes it to Mars
We will inevitably bring
Everything that will eventually
Destroy us from within

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Filed under all, random

Nostalgic Fantasy

Is this all I am
Is this all I’ve ever been
A nostalgic game of fantasy
To every man who has ever known me

You always ask me what Im wearing
You want me to make it sound cute
You’re thinking knee socks and spandex
Clinging to my legs
Tank top tight against these ample breasts
You want me to paint myself into
A portrait for you
Like I am just a fantasy
Here waiting for you

Well this
Is what you see
When I put down the paintbrush
And pick up a pen
This is the image of a woman
Waiting around to play fantasy for men

This is the dry mouth
That comes after all of those held breaths
This is the sound of gagging
On the resentment of expectations not met
This is the stench
Of a mountain of regret
That oozes out like pheromones
At the hint of a familiar scent

But you want that flirtatious adrenaline rush
That conversation only if you’re bored
That sexy picture when you’re stressed
That slow playful texting
About what kind of sex we like
On your oh-so-seldom lonely night

I never thought
You’d inspire me to feel this way
This, another lesson
That rose colored glasses
Grow back with time away

But you spent so many years
Agreeing to be only what I needed
Regardless of how you may have been feeling
So now I wonder if I don’t owe it to you
To play the part of your Manic Pixie Dream Girl
For a few

But I feel something die a little
With every word I say
Because fantasies flame hot
Then die out a little every day
And anything real
Burns to ashes that way

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Filed under all, introspection, love and stuff, random

Scavenger Hunts

I want to feel your arms encircling me
Want to taste your mouth as it’s devouring me
Encouraging mine to take more greedily
Matching each subtle push and pull of your body
So eagerly
I want to watch the shine in your eyes as I touch you
When our hungry hands act like lovers do
Discover each new space like a scavenger hunt
Each breathy whimper a clue to grinningly confront
As we slowly collect each moan, each shiver
Each arch of a back, each sign of pleasure

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Filed under all, lust and passion

Wells

I seek out wells to drown myself in
Dressed up in nice eyes and warm skin
A shadowy place to hide
Like a broken welcome sign
Atop an abandoned mine
That just echoes back the denial
that bounces around in my mind
Until I believe the me I’m pretending to be
Until I can only see what my depression needs me to believe
Until I wake up one day
And don’t recognize me
Trapped inside a cage of my own making
knees shaking, heart aching
With the realization
That I’ve been hiding my life away
Performing the same one act play
Reminding myself it’s what I wanted
To escape; to dissolve;
To fall like crumpled paper from pockets
So no one would see me flailing
So no one would see me failing

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Filed under all, introspection, love and stuff

Bruises

Waking up after drinking
and then arguing the night before
When he told you he hated you
He didn’t love you anymore
You were sobbing, following him around
Begging him to listen
Begging him to calm down

So you drag yourself to the shower
Step out to dry off
Catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror
Eyes widen, you gawk

Criss cross cobwebs
of blue and purple fingerprints
Red marks, bruises
Flashes of memories coming in bits

Flung around like a rag doll
onto the floor, against the wall
Being grabbed and pushed
falling backward down the hall
Fighting him off as he tried to physically
throw you out the door
Onto the lawn, in the rain
Where he’d thrown your purse and keys just before

The coldness in his eyes
The hardness of his grip
Cruel words flashing by
like an old blurry comic strip

All at once feeling
so hollow and so small
Like that isn’t even you
staring back from the wall

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Filed under all, love and stuff

No One

I’ve been bruised by more men than I’d like to admit
See even when we know better, we’re still ashamed of it
People don’t understand my anger
At the victim shaming, the blaming
“What did you do/What did you say that made him so mad?”
Or “Well it’s not like he hit you, so it wasn’t that bad.”

Once, he just forced me down on my knees
Held me there while he poured his entire beer over me

Once, to keep me from leaving
He secretly disconnected wires in my engine
No idea what he was doing, thought it would stall out
But not right away, it didn’t

Once, he just threw a remote at my head
Thankfully I reacted, he got my forearm instead

I covered welts and shame under lies and long sleeves
Sometimes for days, sometimes for weeks
And not to protect him, but to protect me

See I understand the reason we fold
No one can pick apart a story you never told
No details for people to hammer away at
No having to hear, “I just can’t see him acting like that.”

No one to claim you hurt yourself to be vengeful
No one to start a meme of your pain and call you hateful
No one to tell you, “you probably deserved what you got”
No one to spread rumors that violence gets you hot

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Filed under all, love and stuff, random

Being Polite

I told him no thanks
I don’t drink vodka anymore
And I don’t like gin
Apparently that didn’t matter to him
He brought over a martini
Kept saying I would just love it
So finally, I smiled thinly
While he watched me swallow it

Because God forbid
He call me the crazy girl
Who thinks everyone wants to rape her
The ungrateful bitch
Who refused the drink that he paid for

Because girls should be careful
But they should never be rude
Weren’t you taught that too
And, you’re a good guy right?
So she shouldn’t be scared of you

As if predators have
flashing lights on their heads
As if we don’t already
have to worry
You’ll mistake politeness
for interested

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Lies

I feel like a dream just died
Someone pulled back the curtain
and it vanished in the daylight
I won’t keep trying
to build my home on your lies
Like sand, it only appears to hold
until pressure is applied

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, pieces. parts.

Election Day

Yeah, I’ll be in the ballot booth today
Because there is no way I won’t participate
In making sure that this time, hate doesn’t win
In saying that people are so much deeper than their skin

My vote will say no matter what your heritage
If your family is Muslim, black, or Mexican
I don’t see you as any less of an American

I’m able to vote as a woman
But it hasn’t always been that way
Our opinions weren’t valid back in ‘the good ole days’
It scares me to see such misogyny on display
To be told my looks determine the value of what I say

I’ll be voting down the ballot
for those who understand accountability
Who don’t believe that wealth affects credibility
I’ll vote for people who always follow the science
Who want to move us away from our oil reliance

I’ll vote for the people who can act like adults
Who don’t follow party lines like it’s some kind of cult
I’ll be voting for reason, for rationality
Compromise imperitive to an indirect democracy

So I hope to see you at the voting booths today
I’ll give you a smile and go on my way
See I am not worried, I have faith we will see
That hate isn’t all that it’s hyped up to be

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Filed under all, random

One Wish

Star light, star bright
first star I see tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
have the wish I wish tonight

I’ve got this one wish, it’s like a dream
A world without petty egos and bigotry
A world where love always trumps hate
Where no one feels the need to discriminate

Where it doesn’t matter what shade of skin you’re rocking
Just the content of your words when you get to talking

Where fear doesn’t override our empathy
Where we reach for compassion, for dignity
Where we don’t sneer at basic common courtesy
Because we now consider that to be “too PC”

I’ve got this wish I’d really like to see
A return to civility, to decency
Where we celebrate the optimism found in youth
You can learn just as much from them as they can from you
To when denigrating others didn’t get us off
When we found pride in things that now just elicit scoffs

But we all learn from different people, different places
And evil takes on many forms, shapes and faces
It’s passed down in families through generations
Spreading and popping up in pockets throughout the nation

I’ve got this wish that you could call a dream
Where we encourage thoughtfulness and generosity
Where we foster intellectual curiosity
And our leaders display kindness, not animosity

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Filed under all, random

Girl I Used To Be

There’s this girl
in my memory
Audacious and free
She isn’t interested in being
who anyone thinks she should be

She’s funny and sweet
Friendly and bright
She enters rooms and it’s like
she attracts all the light

She’s a gemini baby
Hey you know, so am I
An interesting blend
of a duel sided mind

Reflective and thoughtful
Empathetic and smart
Coupled with the outgoing
super talkative part

She would go out at midnight
alone, just to dance
She never needed
to go seeking out romance
She’d park herself on the dance floor
with a drink in her hand
Moving and singing along
with the DJ or the band

She spent so many hours
listening to people, giving advice
Practical but kind
Optimistic, but wise

Sometimes I wonder
What happened to me
What happened to that girl
in my memory
I wonder if she
would even recognize me
That girl I used to be

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Filed under all, introspection

Open Me Up

Sitting in the front seat
Watching the moon rise
Its climbing up through the tree tops
Straight ahead in my eye line
Slowly, steadily, exposing the star lights
I’m watching as the moon shine
creates shadows against the night sky

The beauty of the moment feels heady
But my heart feels hard and unsteady

Moonlight give me peace
Open me up to release
Moonlight keep me still
Show me how to let go of this guilt

All I can see is time
like the moon, flying by
And all I feel is paralyzed
Shadows have imprisoned me
here in my memory
I’ve shackled myself to the past
and it all keeps replaying
And so I’m saying

Moonlight heal my shame
Show me how to let go of my pain
Moonlight give me peace
Open me up to release

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Filed under all, introspection

forgiveness

forgiveness is tricky
in it’s own special ways
so much harder to do
than to say

you can think that you’re past it
you can think you’ve moved on

you can even think
going through it made you strong

but nothing
is ever
really
gone

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Filed under all, random

the radio

I’ll be driving alone
and that song comes on the radio
Just like that, it all rushes back

Hand in hand walking down
a cute small town street
my eyes on you
your eyes on me

The wind in my hair
your lips on my face
the beat of your heart
the hole in me it replaced

The taste of sweet sweat
and the sound of your laughter
the promise of a perfect
happily ever after

Even though it’s been so long
when I hear the right song
the past is never really gone

Cause just when I think
I’ve let it all go
that song is playing on the radio

You and me in the car
open skies, summer air
singing songs and feeling like
this was something rare

You playing with the hole
in the knee of my jeans
both of us joyful
smiling incessantly

The scent of your skin
your hot breath on my neck
the endless embraces
all those playful little pecks

It’s been so long
but when that song comes on
those moments, yeah
they live on

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Filed under all, longing, love and stuff, lust and passion

Christmas Eve

What would it be like
to be with you one more time
for our whole family to spend
one more Christmas Eve night

You sitting there, eyes closed
legs crossed, bopping your head
singing along to mom and dad’s Grateful Dead

I’d love to see you helping B
decorate the Christmas tree
showing him how to blow the tinsel
so it falls evenly
investigating the presents with him
when mom and dad can’t see
singing our favorite carols, gleefully

Eggnog with rum and big bellied laughter
blissfully unaware of our impending never after

Staying up late to play Santa
and stuffing B’s stocking
reminiscing about our own
childhood Christmas mornings

Another one that you won’t see
except as the Angel
that tops our Christmas tree

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Filed under all, family, my sister

breaking your heart

I’m watching it all falling to pieces
and I just don’t want to believe it
seeing my sturdy, weathered rock
crumbling apart, turning to dust

maybe that’s all life ever does
twist and hurt and end
maybe I just didn’t want to see it
but maybe that’s all it’s ever been

cause it’s all happening
it’s all falling apart
maybe no one ever
really finishes what they start

seems that life
just loves
to keep breaking your heart

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Filed under all, family, pain and loss

broken dreams

this collection
of our broken dreams
puffed up and proud
for everyone to see

the remainders
the reminders
of paths not followed
of oats not sowed

while you have shelves
full of frames, full of stories
you’ve told and retold

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Filed under all, pain and loss, random

hey Lonnie

Hey Lonnie,
do you remember the time
back before you and I
had even turned nine

I wanted one of your stickers
so I bargained with you
you asked for a kiss on the lips
which you didn’t think I’d do

I gave you a good peck on the mouth
in an awkward, childish way
Picked up my new sticker and walked away
but you followed me
around school the next day
you and our friend TJ
chanting over and over
“Lonnie loves A.D.”

but I was embarrassed
and I didn’t know what to do
not sure if I should let you know
that I liked you

and just the next week
your family up and left
and I never did see you again

I was sad and regretful
even at that age
I wrote our initials in a heart
on every single page
I would fantasize about you
moving back to town
holding hands, telling our friends
that we were ‘going out’

but at that age
it was hard to keep track
and you never did
end up coming back

when I was alone I would
think about you incessantly
but even that young
I knew things could change suddenly

so you were my daydream
my bitter-sweet memory

A loss that shaped the way
I’ve dealt with heartbreak
to this day

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Filed under all, introspection, random

the dreamers

i’m always drawn to the dreamers
to the under achievers
the lost souls
the ones with layers
that i can never get
to unfold

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Filed under bits and pieces, introspection, love and stuff, pieces. parts.

remind me

i didn’t see you much
during your pregnancy
never got to ask you
what kind of man
you hoped he’d be

i’m not sure
which stories
you had wanted
to make sure he knew
not sure
what you most
wanted to teach him
as he grew

and boy,
do his faces
remind me of you

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, my sister, pieces. parts.

who you wish i was

am i to blame
for the version of me
you had in your mind
a glowing trophy sitting on
some pedestal way up high

who is really responsible
when i start to tumble down
is it my fault if you don’t like
the way i look on the ground

you’re in love
with who you wish i was
and that is such a shame
because
i just want to love you
imperfectly, insatiably
but it will never
be enough, because
you’re in love
with who you wish i was

i’m no angel
i haven’t earned any wings
this isn’t a fairy tale
you’re no noble king

but as the light
of this broken halo
starts to die
so does the light
that shines at me
from your eyes

i just want to love you
wholly, unconditionally

but nothing i do now
will ever be enough
because you’ll never love me
like who you wish i was

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Filed under all, longing, love and stuff

price tag

there are so many people
who live paycheck
to paycheck
who can’t afford care
when they get hurt
or get sick

they’re good people
during hard times
they have families
they lead good lives

then there are so many people
who have so much more
than they could ever need
who are motivated by things
like power, fame, greed

they spend
thousands of dollars
on novelty items
from foreign designers
because it’s
the status
they admire

one poor man’s surgery
hangs in another man’s closet
lost and forgotten
price tag
still on it

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Filed under all, rambles, random

i believe

i believe
in kindness
and grace
that everyone
looks better
with a smile
on their face

i crave words
debates, ideas
i believe nothing
is more liberating
than the way
tolerance feels

that organized
oppression
is something
we should fear

people aren’t property
fairness isn’t a commodity
you think i’m naive, probably
but that’s what i believe
and i’ll defend it
as long as i
can breathe

i hope for progress
happiness, liberty
that we learn
from the mistakes
we’ve made
throughout our history

you can’t have dignity
without decency
trust without sincerity
yeah i believe

that there’s a problem
when men become powerful
backed by the plentiful
amount of people
who aren’t clever enough
to know better
than to believe only that
which they’ve heard

when politicians
pander to the ignorant
so the truth
becomes intelligibly hazy
when campaigns depend
on the intellectually lazy

i believe in humanity
in equality
that our leaders
shouldn’t be trying
to legislate
their own morality
you can call me a liberal
definitely
and i’ll defend it
as long as i can breathe

as for me, i bring
an open heart
and an open mind
with an open hand
for those
who need a lift
from time to time

a curious spirit
a compassionate word
an encouragement
that you and your voice
should be heard

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Filed under all, introspection, random

jackie

jackie was adorable
simple and sweet
the nicest girl
you’d ever meet

she grew up with ribbons
and curls in her hair
quiet but kind
always lending an ear

you could tell
she was sweet
but she was shy, too
she even had
a boyfriend or two

that was jackie
simple and sweet
nicest girl
you’d ever meet

i saw her just
the other day
in that happy
coincidence way
she seemed
more relaxed
than she’s ever been
holding hands
with her girlfriend

they have a house
foster rescued animals
just home for one
of those seasonal
family rituals

same old jackie
simple and sweet
nicest girl
you’ll ever meet

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my unborn teenage daughter

i’ll make sure
she knows
that she can always
confide in me
that i will be
her sounding board
whatever the situation
may be

i’ll make sure
she’s mindful
of other people’s
spirits
so that when others
are masking
their pains
she will hear it

i’ll teach her
to be thankful
for other people’s
generosity
tell her it’s good
to feed her
curiosities

i’ll teach her
to stand up
against mean-spirited
cruelness
tell her
not to be afraid
to look
a little foolish

i’ll tell her
that words
can hurt
and hearts
can ache
i’ll tell her
to be good
for goodness’ sake

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Filed under all, family

no more

what else
do you think
you can do
to my heart
can’t break
what’s already
broken apart

there’s nothing
you can do to me
no more
no pain my heart
hasn’t felt
before

now you’re coming
around here
well you can just
stop right there
it could never be
what it was before
that girl
isn’t even here
anymore

i’ll never
do that again
let someone
do me like
you did

your words
those weapons
can’t wound me
anymore
there’s nothing
you can say to me
i haven’t
heard before

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

i’ll be

i may never
be the prettiest
girl in the room
i’d rather
be the one
you hope to see
again soon

i’ll be the girl
whose eyes shine
when she laughs
who always
seems to know
the right questions
to ask

i’ll tell you my story
sing you my song
sit at the piano
grab the guitar
play along
i promise
you’ll be smitten
by the time
that i’m done

i’ll be cute
i’ll be fun
i’ll be sexy
when the time comes
for it
and before you know it baby
you’ll be begging me
for it

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been there

he sees me
the way i used
to see you
half blinded
thinking
i’m too good
to be true
loving
desperately
but defensive
and insecure
and boy, have i
been there before
and maybe
for that
i love him
even more

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Filed under all, love and stuff

should’ve never

i should have just
kept saying no
should’ve never
let you into my home

you knew i was weak
you knew i was sad
i tried to tell you
it was going to end bad

i guess that’s the point
you just didn’t care
to you, when using people
everything was fair

you might have thought
you were helping me
to move on
but i regret not being
strong enough not to do
what i knew was wrong

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Filed under all, introspection

i’m yours and you’re mine

if the words are there
they just wont come out
so i just kind of
give you a pout
and your smile calms me
puts me at ease
and you just say,
“tell me baby, please”
so i just put it
as simply as i can
whatever the worry
you always take my hand
tell me that everything
is going to be fine
as long as i’m yours
and as long as you’re mine

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Filed under all, love and stuff

karma

people who don’t know you well
say you seem like such
a loving husband, devoted father
the kind of guy who stops to chat
and flash a nice smile
when most wouldn’t bother

but they don’t know you
like i know you
they haven’t seen
the things i’ve seen
your wife may not admit it
but she knows what i mean

the problem with you
is you believe
your own lies
tell them over and over
then play dumb, deny
feign surprise

so don’t think
that i don’t know
what you took from me
even after all
of our generosity

but that’s ok
cause one day
karma is gonna
crash your party
one day, sweetie
you
are really
gonna be sorry

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tiny pieces

there was a time when i
could have had anyone
i might have wanted
and sometimes i would
just to prove my confidence
was warranted

some had girlfriends
some were “out of my league”
the athletes
the thinkers
the geeks
the bad seeds

the suits
the stoners
the partiers
the poets
men that have tiny pieces
of my soul but don’t know it

some that i wish
that i could take back
others that my heart
has longed to have back

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Filed under all, love and stuff, lust and passion

inked pages

will the sum of my memories
ever hold more meaning
than this
emotions and thoughts
filling these inked pages
in long skinny lists

will my experiences
my feelings, my words
be lost, forgotten like
the millions of others’
we’ve lost in the world

one day i’ll be forgotten
when my loved ones
are generations of the past
or maybe i’ll exist
as long as these
inked pages last

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when 30 was old

i still remember
when thirty was old
and my twenties
were calling
with adventures unknown

when your friends
were your life
and time
felt endless
when heartache
was consuming
and love
was breathless

when life
felt fresh
and everything
was brand new
and there
were always
so many exciting
things to do

first job
first car
first place
all your own
the first time
you reflect
on how much
you have grown

the first time
you realize
how often your parents
were right
during so many of those
long forgotten
adolescent fights

back when i didn’t realize
i’d be so surprised
when each year came
that deep inside
i would still feel
very much the same

that at thirty
i wouldn’t really
feel like i was old
just a girl
that has so many
more stories
to unfold

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Filed under all, introspection

memories

everyone is flawed
in their own
little ways
everyone has
their good and
their bad days

we would argue for hours
over who had got more
who’s fault it was
who had the best score
we would go back and forth
when we couldn’t be heard
and try out every
new swear word
or insult
we’d learned

you were always so
over-dramatic
in everything
that you would do
but i don’t need
to perfect your image
in my memory
to miss you

good or bad times
i miss them all
no matter how big
no matter how small

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Filed under all, my sister, undone

hey love

hey love
remember me?

i did everything wrong
and just hoped for the best
and man, did my pride
fail all of your tests

hey love
remember when?

back before then when we
were so fearless in our love
when we viewed it as though
the stars had aligned above

when our passions like our tempers
would burn and then simmer
until they bubbled and erupted
swept us up like a river

hey love
remember me?

the girl who you had said
loved you so much more
than any other girl
had ever loved you before

the girl who wrote you a poem
and then watched you cry
and when i asked you what was wrong
you simply replied

“i’m just so happy, that’s all.
that’s why”

fiery or emotional
it was always
the same
tears of joy
or frustration
full of passion
either way

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

history (not wasting time)

i look for comfort
in a lot of the wrong places
i spend all my time
reading people’s faces

looking for meaning
in the lives that exist around me
giving my heart
to all those who surround me

History is just the study
of people over time
our culture a reflection
of the collective human mind

maybe i’m searching for something
that i cant define
but something is telling me
i’m not wasting my time

progress is impossible
if no one ever really tries
too busy being surprised
by how fast time flies

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Filed under all, introspection

would i go back

if i could
how would i change it
it’s hard to decide
we were a fast and furious
roller coaster ride
we loved and fought
as if for years
in just that six month time

would i go back to january
that trip that we took
that ended up being
the last straw that it took
when we spent over a day in the airport
sleeping on benches
waiting to leave
silent and sad
or me begging on my knees

would i go back to december
the night of that
really big fight
erase the liquor, tears and bruises
so the weeks that followed
would have been alright

would i go back
to the night
you cheated on me
begged you
from two hours away
not to go
not to leave

would i go back to October
the night you’ll never forgive me for
when i was way too drunk to notice
that you were annoyed and at the bar
downing shots of jager
and heading for your car

would i go back to August
and tell you to take some time
to settle into your new life
before merging it with mine

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Filed under all, love and stuff

unsaid

it just happened one day
she finished her coffee
put her mug in the sink
didn’t even stop
for a minute to think
she went to the bedroom
packed just one bag
then walked out the front door
without looking back

left him to deal
with all of her things
and the pain and heartache
that abandonment brings

after she left
she didn’t even cry
this time (oh this time)
her eyes were dry

it wasn’t
the first time
she had driven away
only this time her things
weren’t thrown on the lawn
or flung in her face

after everything
said and done
he really shouldn’t
have been surprised

the only word
she left
unsaid
was goodbye

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

last night

last night
making love to you
i cried
a release
of the emotions
held captive
by my pride

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, love and stuff, pieces. parts.

high school fantasy

i think maybe at first
you saw me as a prize
and you were trying on
your high school fantasy
for size

and it fit, for a while
like a dream
you would beam
but the threads were quickly
unraveling at the seams
and before long
there were tears as wide
as the knees
of my old jeans

and my heart, like those jeans
ripped little by little
until the night of that fight
when they both
tore down the middle

i knew then it was over
i just couldn’t admit it
like great shoes
you keep around
even if they don’t fit

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i remember

i remember
when i used to feel her
in the breeze
on a warm day
and how it felt
like she knew
everything i wanted
to say

i remember
the way she moved
when she heard a song
she really liked
and the snort like
noises she would make
when we were having
a fight

i remember
the way her face
used to look
when she laughed
how she’d sound
during that
open-mouthed chuckle
she always had

i remember
her humor
the kind of jokes
that she liked
the pure delight
on her face
was always such
a lovely sight

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Filed under all, family, my sister, pain and loss

the other side

i wonder
how you’d feel
if our roles
were reversed
if i had done
that to you
in that way
right at first

if it had
been me
taking you
for that ride
tell me,
how would
forgiveness look
from the other side?

how easy
do you
expect this
to be?
it’s not
about you,
remember?
it’s about me

you play
the victim
like regret
is the main event
but regret
flames bright
then dies out
and is spent

i have
no blame
to eat
to settle
the score
just heartache
fear
disappointment
and more

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, love and stuff, pain and loss, rambles

almost may

it’s a cold
rainy
sad little day
can’t believe
its only
a week
until May

where
is the time going?
what happened
to spring?
what about
all the things
the new year
was supposed to bring?

same old
sad, cold
rainy little
day
sitting on the porch
with that
same old feeling
of fading
away

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, random, undone