Category Archives: all

This is the bulk of my collection of poems, showing all topics. You can visit the Bits and Pieces section (which is home to my unfinished pieces) to get to the rest of them.

The Best For You Both

Sometimes I wish you knew
The things I would tell him, regarding you
But I know that isn’t my place to do

I definitely made a joke or two
About your age, at your expense
But I never scorned you when it mattered
Even though I always knew your intent

Maybe it makes you feel good
To think I want what you have
Maybe it helps keep you feeling
Lucky to have gotten it back

But I am not envious
I’m not pining for what’s gone
It isn’t what I lost that hurts
It’s the damage its done

But that’s why I write
It’s how I get it all out
But just because I post a thought
That doesn’t mean it’s all I’m thinking about

I’ve got a brain like a bullet train
I wouldn’t expect you to know
You’re a stranger at the railway station
I wouldn’t recognize as foe
You can think what you want of me
From what he wanted you to know
But the truth is (most of the time)
I wish the best for you both

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Ruins

I didn’t fall in love with how easy it was
to be around him-although it was
We really didn’t get to do that very much

I fell in love with his voice
The way he would speak
How he would question and over-think everything
How he was so much like me

I fell in love with the laughter
the nightly hours-long conversations
With what I thought was candor
With what seemed to be patience

I fell I love with a promise
That vanished while I slept
With a shrug of its shoulders
And a cock of its neck
It turned into a rumor
That whispered to its friends
Spun my confusion into crazy
My hurt into unhinged

Rumors have a way of making you question
What you thought you knew to be true
Makes you start to wonder
If you made up the good things too
Just how big were the blinders
Just how self absorbed had I been
Was he ever honest
Did I ever mean anything to him

But that’s the thing about rumors
there are no answers to find
They just linger in tiny whispers
in the back of your mind

But I’ve never cared much for rumors
It’s why I serve myself on a plate
Less need for anyone to have to speculate
Yes, I know that not everyone is like me
And maybe i’ll always be slightly naive but

I know when I’ve felt someone’s heart touch mine
I know when I’ve seen love or lust look at me from a man’s eyes
I understand motives when promises get broken
I know what I’ve heard in between the words that are spoken

He can burn all of the bridges I built
I’ll claim those ruins as mine
Have you ever noticed how ruins
become beautiful things over time

You can take a train ride
through the ruins of my past
Just keep your hands inside
So you don’t shatter them like glass
The train track is my history
There’s a station at every trauma
Ghosts move among the wreckage
play-acting out the drama
Some are quick enough to roll through
So many others take some time
I visit them all occasionally
When I get stuck inside my mind

Everyone collects something
Isn’t that what they say
I guess Im collecting the memories
Filing them away
Under the still crumbling remnants
Of what used to be
When I loved him
When he loved me

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

Days & Nights

Some nights
I shackle my heart to the past
Let it all keep replaying

Some days
I move forward so fast
I can almost see the future
Reshaping

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, pieces. parts.

Ode to My Stretch Marks

You winding broken arrow roads
Thin white vines that decorate
my breasts, my thighs
Play peek a boo along my sides

You tiny tendrils
that beg to be traced by fingertips
You treasure trails
You trophies

Like the haphazard marks
on the corner of the kitchen wall
that track the height of the small life
you helped house
you are my markers
The history of skin
swell, stretch, shrink

You, the battle scars
The nick marks on a primitive man’s war stick
The faded glory medals
Soft, resilient, tough

You, a reminder that traumas long past
leave behind a mark you can see if you look hard enough

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the leaf

I am a leaf
in a windstorm
flying up
falling down
thrown up against barriers
scraping along just above the ground

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Would Have

If you had really known me
you’d know I would have willingly
played the martyr
Would have swallowed my own swords
given reason
I wouldn’t have made it harder

In fact, knowing me I would have tried
to ease any guilt you might have felt
I would have reminded you
that I always respected the way you seemed to know yourself
Had I known there was something and someone else that you wanted
I wouldn’t have made it about me, I would have convinced myself to be happy for you
For taking a chance on something that I knew I couldn’t give you

Someone to lay with at the end of a long day
Someone who already knows you well enough
to know all of the right things to say
Someone to just be with, do nothing really at all
Someone to make regular new memories with in the backseat of your car
Someone you can actually touch when you’re so hard that it hurts
Not having to settle for racing home to my pictures and your hand after work
Knowing smiles, hand holding
Sleepy snuggles every morning

If you would have just told me the truth
I would have wanted to make that choice easy on you
Would have always carried a torch for this sweet, honest guy that I knew
I would have liked for that to be my memory of you

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Filed under all, love and stuff

Cobwebs, Leaves and TV Screens

I sweep warning signs idly away
Like cobwebs from a doorway
Forgetting about the spiders
Who put them there in the first place

I hold onto love too long
Like a tree in an autumn breeze
Stubbornly refusing to cast off deadening leaves
Afraid of what losing those colors might mean

But worst of all
I remember like a TV screen
Everywhere I go
I see ghosts acting out the memories

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, introspection, pieces. parts.

Fleeting Visits With Bitterness

I hope she breaks your heart again
The way that you did mine
I hope the shame she put in you
Comes back to eat at you over time
I hope your chest swells
With the terrifying kind of butterflies
The crushing kind of emptiness
That makes you feel like you could die

I hope she just up and leaves you
Without a goodbye, without an end
Like you never even mattered
Like you were never even sort-of friends

I hope she tells everyone you’re crazy
That you’re deranged, that you need help
I hope she hooks right up with a guy she told you over and over you would never have to worry about

I hope she breaks every promise
That she ever made to you
Turns around and does all the things
She specifically assured you she wouldn’t do

I hope the confusion makes you panicked
Makes you scared, makes you sick
I hope it takes you by such surprise
You don’t know how to handle it

I hope you drown yourself in tears
I hope it makes you feel pathetic
I hope it makes you afraid to sleep again
I hope you fucking regret it

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After You

I miss the feeling of warm hands on my skin
The look of greedy eyes taking it all in
Comfortably vulnerable
Blissfully trusting
Not sure I’ll let myself feel that way again

Oh, there will be hands
And lips, I’m sure
Relief from aches when I’m lonely or bored, but
I want to tingle at the touch of a finger
Connect in a way that makes the euphoria linger
When it’s scary as fuck but you don’t care one bit
When you’re fantasizing all day long about it

I can’t imagine it for long
Without getting that feeling in my chest
A heavy suction like a vacuum tube
To an oxygen-less abyss
My stomach feels sick
My hands start to shake
Never knew panic attacks
Could be brought on by heartache
But suddenly I can’t breathe
I can’t think, I can’t speak
I get overwhelmed and dizzy
My legs go numb underneath me

Heart pounding, blood rushing
Radiating heat, on fire
I lay down against the cold floor
Start tracing each tile
Keep reassuring myself
This this will stop happening after a while

But I dont really know if that’s true
Not sure that I can ever fully trust myself
After you

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Filed under all, introspection, longing, pain and loss

Goodbyes

All I really asked for was honesty
For you to be upfront with me
It was something you said
You understood I would need
We used to talk about it constantly
You told me so many times
How you never lie
How you could never cheat
How you didn’t want to be with her
Regardless of being with me

Guess the joke all along was on me

I knew you could be cold
When you want to be
You can shut off a switch
Convince yourself so easily
Of whatever it is
You need to believe

You said I had trouble seeing past myself
That commment was true
Whether you realize it or not
You have that problem too
You don’t always take the time
To really see other points of view

You asked me once
If I would hate you for this
Back when it had just began
I told you it would really suck for me
I’d be sad, but I’d understand

And I would have.

I know it’s all the same to you
It’s not like we could have stayed friends
But did you really have to handle it that way
Is this really how you needed it to end?

You had all the power here
You just stopped speaking to me
Guess I should have listened
To the bad feeling I’d had recently

If you had just done what you promised
Been open and honest with me
It could have been so different
It didn’t need to hurt so badly

One conversation would have made the difference
Just to me, I know, not you
Now it seems you had… other things to do

So I can only assume you wanted
Me to hurt in the worst possible way
To mourn you like the dead
Who just disappear one day

Without a single word to say

I guess I never meant that much to you
For you to want to be that cruel
If you were scared you should know that didn’t come from me
It comes from inside you
I didn’t even know about her
Cry was all I figured I’d do
If I had shown up I probably
Would have laughed a little too
At myself just as much
As at the two of you

Because I’m your joke now, right
The forgotten tryst
The crazy blight
The one you just ignore outright
Does it give you those bad dreams at night?

I’m sure it will be blissful
For a while, it always is
The sex should be much better
But that’s an easy goal to hit
The comfort, the safety
Mixed with the freshness of starting new
Will feel really amazing for a while too
Who knows maybe she’s the one
And she’ll grow old with you

I don’t wish you any ill will
Because that’s not the heart I have
You never could fully understand
My perspective on all that

But don’t take all my goodbyes
In all these rhyming lines
To mean I haven’t moved on
Just one single feeling
Can inspire a hundred songs

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Pretty Girl

Pretty Girl pretty face
Pretty Girl nice body
Pretty Girl so beautiful
Pretty Girl kind of a hottie
Pretty Girl appreciates the compliments
Pretty Girl hates them a little too
Pretty Girl doesn’t feel any prettier than you

Pretty Girl’s pretty smile is a mask
Pretty Girl engages you with her pretty blue eyes
Pretty Girl uses your reaction to fill up the emptiness she’s carrying inside

Pretty Girl’s always surrounded with people
Pretty Girl must feel so adored
Pretty Girl wants to believe what they tell her, but
Pretty Girl has heard it before

Pretty Girl must have it “so easy”
Pretty Girl dying inside
Pretty Girl falls in love too easily
Pretty Girl always surprised

Pretty Girl tells the man No
Pretty Girl knows he will try again anyway

Pretty Girl walks to her car with her keys between the fingers of her fist
Pretty Girl relieved she’s wearing her work shirt so no one can claim she was asking for it

Pretty Girl always polite
Pretty Girl wishes you knew politeness isn’t permission

Pretty Girl has trouble saying No
Pretty Girl wants you to like her
Pretty Girl can never fully let go
Pretty Girl’s memory is an anchor

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Lost

I let myself get lost in you
In the distraction
Of something so refreshing, so new
And so very quickly
Without even meaning to
I became emotionally dependent on you

So without you
I feel so utterly alone
Like I could collapse on myself
Like I’m all skin and no bone

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

Chasing Fantasies

I’m always chasing down the fantasy
Instead of letting it breathe
Smothering it with this insatiable need
As if I can’t wait to prove
It’s never as good in reality

I can never hold out
I can’t seem to say no
Too curious to see
Where the story will go

Can’t not send the text
Can’t not return the kiss
Can’t not do
What I think he expects

It always ends with disappointment
That carves a hollow ache
The plight of a heart that always gives
When there’s nothing to take

Who just wants to feel heard
Who just wants to feel seen
Who wants you to do what you say you’ll do
Who wants you to say what you mean

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Filed under all, introspection, longing

Mission to Mars

This was something I wrote for a writing project, as part of an online community I’m a part of. I (of course) chose to write a poem, but the topic was a future setting where mankind was going to Mars. I missed the deadline to submit for the project, so this has been hanging out in my notebook and needs a home.
If you’re a creative type, and you’ve never heard of hitRECord I suggest checking it out. It works as a production company, they make all kinds of art and media and collaborate on it. If you’re at all curious, there is probably something for you there.

 

We have wasted and turned to dust
What once was beautiful green and lush
Now we can travel to the red world above
But what can she really offer us?

Us, who destroy and degrade and consume
Us, who blindly orchestrate our own doom

I stand on charred earth
And look up at the stars
But it feels wrong to join them
To claim planets as ours

Maybe, as they say, it was
An inevitable evolution
Or maybe it’s a hail mary
A kind of desperate delusion

Either way it feels wrong
To leave the earth we destroyed
Disrespected, neglected
Treated like a toy

Even if mankind makes it to Mars
We will inevitably bring
Everything that will eventually
Destroy us from within

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Nostalgic Fantasy

Is this all I am
Is this all I’ve ever been
A nostalgic game of fantasy
To every man who has ever known me

You always ask me what Im wearing
You want me to make it sound cute
You’re thinking knee socks and spandex
Clinging to my legs
Tank top tight against these ample breasts
You want me to paint myself into
A portrait for you
Like I am just a fantasy
Here waiting for you

Well this
Is what you see
When I put down the paintbrush
And pick up a pen
This is the image of a woman
Waiting around to play fantasy for men

This is the dry mouth
That comes after all of those held breaths
This is the sound of gagging
On the resentment of expectations not met
This is the stench
Of a mountain of regret
That oozes out like pheromones
At the hint of a familiar scent

But you want that flirtatious adrenaline rush
That conversation only if you’re bored
That sexy picture when you’re stressed
That slow playful texting
About what kind of sex we like
On your oh-so-seldom lonely night

I never thought
You’d inspire me to feel this way
This, another lesson
That rose colored glasses
Grow back with time away

But you spent so many years
Agreeing to be only what I needed
Regardless of how you may have been feeling
So now I wonder if I don’t owe it to you
To play the part of your Manic Pixie Dream Girl
For a few

But I feel something die a little
With every word I say
Because fantasies flame hot
Then die out a little every day
And anything real
Burns to ashes that way

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Scavenger Hunts

I want to feel your arms encircling me
Want to taste your mouth as it’s devouring me
Encouraging mine to take more greedily
Matching each subtle push and pull of your body
So eagerly
I want to watch the shine in your eyes as I touch you
When our hungry hands act like lovers do
Discover each new space like a scavenger hunt
Each breathy whimper a clue to grinningly confront
As we slowly collect each moan, each shiver
Each arch of a back, each sign of pleasure

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Filed under all, lust and passion

Wells

I seek out wells to drown myself in
Dressed up in nice eyes and warm skin
A shadowy place to hide
Like a broken welcome sign
Atop an abandoned mine
That just echoes back the denial
that bounces around in my mind
Until I believe the me I’m pretending to be
Until I can only see what my depression needs me to believe
Until I wake up one day
And don’t recognize me
Trapped inside a cage of my own making
knees shaking, heart aching
With the realization
That I’ve been hiding my life away
Performing the same one act play
Reminding myself it’s what I wanted
To escape; to dissolve;
To fall like crumpled paper from pockets
So no one would see me flailing
So no one would see me failing

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Bruises

Waking up after drinking
and then arguing the night before
When he told you he hated you
He didn’t love you anymore
You were sobbing, following him around
Begging him to listen
Begging him to calm down

So you drag yourself to the shower
Step out to dry off
Catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror
Eyes widen, you gawk

Criss cross cobwebs
of blue and purple fingerprints
Red marks, bruises
Flashes of memories coming in bits

Flung around like a rag doll
onto the floor, against the wall
Being grabbed and pushed
falling backward down the hall
Fighting him off as he tried to physically
throw you out the door
Onto the lawn, in the rain
Where he’d thrown your purse and keys just before

The coldness in his eyes
The hardness of his grip
Cruel words flashing by
like an old blurry comic strip

All at once feeling
so hollow and so small
Like that isn’t even you
staring back from the wall

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No One

I’ve been bruised by more men than I’d like to admit
See even when we know better, we’re still ashamed of it
People don’t understand my anger
At the victim shaming, the blaming
“What did you do/What did you say that made him so mad?”
Or “Well it’s not like he hit you, so it wasn’t that bad.”

Once, he just forced me down on my knees
Held me there while he poured his entire beer over me

Once, to keep me from leaving
He secretly disconnected wires in my engine
No idea what he was doing, thought it would stall out
But not right away, it didn’t

Once, he just threw a remote at my head
Thankfully I reacted, he got my forearm instead

I covered welts and shame under lies and long sleeves
Sometimes for days, sometimes for weeks
And not to protect him, but to protect me

See I understand the reason we fold
No one can pick apart a story you never told
No details for people to hammer away at
No having to hear, “I just can’t see him acting like that.”

No one to claim you hurt yourself to be vengeful
No one to start a meme of your pain and call you hateful
No one to tell you, “you probably deserved what you got”
No one to spread rumors that violence gets you hot
No one to assume you brought it on yourself
No one to write you off as too much trouble to help

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Filed under all, love and stuff, random

Being Polite

I told him no thanks
I don’t drink vodka anymore
And I don’t like gin
Apparently that didn’t matter to him
He brought over a martini
Kept saying I would just love it
So finally, I smiled thinly
While he watched me swallow it

Because God forbid
He call me the crazy girl
Who thinks everyone wants to rape her
The ungrateful bitch
Who refused the drink that he paid for

Because girls should be careful
But they should never be rude
Weren’t you taught that too
And, you’re a good guy right?
So she shouldn’t be scared of you

As if predators have
flashing lights on their heads
As if we don’t already
have to worry
You’ll mistake politeness
for interested

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Lies

I feel like a dream just died
Someone pulled back the curtain
and it vanished in the daylight
I won’t keep trying
to build my home on your lies
Like sand, it only appears to hold
until pressure is applied

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, pieces. parts.

Election Day

Yeah, I’ll be in the ballot booth today
Because there is no way I won’t participate
In making sure that this time, hate doesn’t win
In saying that people are so much deeper than their skin

My vote will say no matter what your heritage
If your family is Muslim, black, or Mexican
I don’t see you as any less of an American

I’m able to vote as a woman
But it hasn’t always been that way
Our opinions weren’t valid back in ‘the good ole days’
It scares me to see such misogyny on display
To be told my looks determine the value of what I say

I’ll be voting down the ballot
for those who understand accountability
Who don’t believe that wealth affects credibility
I’ll vote for people who always follow the science
Who want to move us away from our oil reliance

I’ll vote for the people who can act like adults
Who don’t follow party lines like it’s some kind of cult
I’ll be voting for reason, for rationality
Compromise imperitive to an indirect democracy

So I hope to see you at the voting booths today
I’ll give you a smile and go on my way
See I am not worried, I have faith we will see
That hate isn’t all that it’s hyped up to be

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One Wish

Star light, star bright
first star I see tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
have the wish I wish tonight

I’ve got this one wish, it’s like a dream
A world without petty egos and bigotry
A world where love always trumps hate
Where no one feels the need to discriminate

Where it doesn’t matter what shade of skin you’re rocking
Just the content of your words when you get to talking

Where fear doesn’t override our empathy
Where we reach for compassion, for dignity
Where we don’t sneer at basic common courtesy
Because we now consider that to be “too PC”

I’ve got this wish I’d really like to see
A return to civility, to decency
Where we celebrate the optimism found in youth
You can learn just as much from them as they can from you
To when denigrating others didn’t get us off
When we found pride in things that now just elicit scoffs

But we all learn from different people, different places
And evil takes on many forms, shapes and faces
It’s passed down in families through generations
Spreading and popping up in pockets throughout the nation

I’ve got this wish that you could call a dream
Where we encourage thoughtfulness and generosity
Where we foster intellectual curiosity
And our leaders display kindness, not animosity

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Girl I Used To Be

There’s this girl
in my memory
Audacious and free
She isn’t interested in being
who anyone thinks she should be

She’s funny and sweet
Friendly and bright
She enters rooms and it’s like
she attracts all the light

She’s a gemini baby
Hey you know, so am I
An interesting blend
of a duel sided mind

Reflective and thoughtful
Empathetic and smart
Coupled with the outgoing
super talkative part

She would go out at midnight
alone, just to dance
She never needed
to go seeking out romance
She’d park herself on the dance floor
with a drink in her hand
Moving and singing along
with the DJ or the band

She spent so many hours
listening to people, giving advice
Practical but kind
Optimistic, but wise

Sometimes I wonder
What happened to me
What happened to that girl
in my memory
I wonder if she
would even recognize me
That girl I used to be

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Filed under all, introspection

Open Me Up

Sitting in the front seat
Watching the moon rise
Its climbing up through the tree tops
Straight ahead in my eye line
Slowly, steadily, exposing the star lights
I’m watching as the moon shine
creates shadows against the night sky

The beauty of the moment feels heady
But my heart feels hard and unsteady

Moonlight give me peace
Open me up to release
Moonlight keep me still
Show me how to let go of this guilt

All I can see is time
like the moon, flying by
And all I feel is paralyzed
Shadows have imprisoned me
here in my memory
I’ve shackled myself to the past
and it all keeps replaying
And so I’m saying

Moonlight heal my shame
Show me how to let go of my pain
Moonlight give me peace
Open me up to release

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forgiveness

forgiveness is tricky
in it’s own special ways
so much harder to do
than to say

you can think that you’re past it
you can think you’ve moved on

you can even think
going through it made you strong

but nothing
is ever
really
gone

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the radio

I’ll be driving alone
and that song comes on the radio
Just like that, it all rushes back

Hand in hand walking down
a cute small town street
my eyes on you
your eyes on me

The wind in my hair
your lips on my face
the beat of your heart
the hole in me it replaced

The taste of sweet sweat
and the sound of your laughter
the promise of a perfect
happily ever after

Even though it’s been so long
when I hear the right song
the past is never really gone

Cause just when I think
I’ve let it all go
that song is playing on the radio

You and me in the car
open skies, summer air
singing songs and feeling like
this was something rare

You playing with the hole
in the knee of my jeans
both of us joyful
smiling incessantly

The scent of your skin
your hot breath on my neck
the endless embraces
all those playful little pecks

It’s been so long
but when that song comes on
those moments, yeah
they live on

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Filed under all, longing, love and stuff, lust and passion

Christmas Eve

What would it be like
to be with you one more time
for our whole family to spend
one more Christmas Eve night

You sitting there, eyes closed
legs crossed, bopping your head
singing along to mom and dad’s Grateful Dead

I’d love to see you helping B
decorate the Christmas tree
showing him how to blow the tinsel
so it falls evenly
investigating the presents with him
when mom and dad can’t see
singing our favorite carols, gleefully

Eggnog with rum and big bellied laughter
blissfully unaware of our impending never after

Staying up late to play Santa
and stuffing B’s stocking
reminiscing about our own
childhood Christmas mornings

Another one that you won’t see
except as the Angel
that tops our Christmas tree

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Filed under all, family, my sister

breaking your heart

I’m watching it all falling to pieces
and I just don’t want to believe it
seeing my sturdy, weathered rock
crumbling apart, turning to dust

maybe that’s all life ever does
twist and hurt and end
maybe I just didn’t want to see it
but maybe that’s all it’s ever been

cause it’s all happening
it’s all falling apart
maybe no one ever
really finishes what they start

seems that life
just loves
to keep breaking your heart

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Filed under all, family, pain and loss

broken dreams

this collection
of our broken dreams
puffed up and proud
for everyone to see

the remainders
the reminders
of paths not followed
of oats not sowed

while you have shelves
full of frames, full of stories
you’ve told and retold

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hey Lonnie

Hey Lonnie,
do you remember the time
back before you and I
had even turned nine

I wanted one of your stickers
so I bargained with you
you asked for a kiss on the lips
which you didn’t think I’d do

I gave you a good peck on the mouth
in an awkward, childish way
Picked up my new sticker and walked away
but you followed me
around school the next day
you and our friend TJ
chanting over and over
“Lonnie loves A.D.”

but I was embarrassed
and I didn’t know what to do
not sure if I should let you know
that I liked you

and just the next week
your family up and left
and I never did see you again

I was sad and regretful
even at that age
I wrote our initials in a heart
on every single page
I would fantasize about you
moving back to town
holding hands, telling our friends
that we were ‘going out’

but at that age
it was hard to keep track
and you never did
end up coming back

when I was alone I would
think about you incessantly
but even that young
I knew things could change suddenly

so you were my daydream
my bitter-sweet memory

A loss that shaped the way
I’ve dealt with heartbreak
to this day

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the dreamers

i’m always drawn to the dreamers
to the under achievers
the lost souls
the ones with layers
that i can never get
to unfold

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Filed under bits and pieces, introspection, love and stuff, pieces. parts.

remind me

i didn’t see you much
during your pregnancy
never got to ask you
what kind of man
you hoped he’d be

i’m not sure
which stories
you had wanted
to make sure he knew
not sure
what you most
wanted to teach him
as he grew

and boy,
do his faces
remind me of you

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Filed under all, bits and pieces, my sister, pieces. parts.

who you wish i was

am i to blame
for the version of me
you had in your mind
a glowing trophy sitting on
some pedestal way up high

who is really responsible
when i start to tumble down
is it my fault if you don’t like
the way i look on the ground

you’re in love
with who you wish i was
and that is such a shame
because
i just want to love you
imperfectly, insatiably
but it will never
be enough, because
you’re in love
with who you wish i was

i’m no angel
i haven’t earned any wings
this isn’t a fairy tale
you’re no noble king

but as the light
of this broken halo
starts to die
so does the light
that shines at me
from your eyes

i just want to love you
wholly, unconditionally

but nothing i do now
will ever be enough
because you’ll never love me
like who you wish i was

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Filed under all, longing, love and stuff

price tag

there are so many people
who live paycheck
to paycheck
who can’t afford care
when they get hurt
or get sick

they’re good people
during hard times
they have families
they lead good lives

then there are so many people
who have so much more
than they could ever need
who are motivated by things
like power, fame, greed

they spend
thousands of dollars
on novelty items
from foreign designers
because it’s
the status
they admire

one poor man’s surgery
hangs in another man’s closet
lost and forgotten
price tag
still on it

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Filed under all, rambles, random

i believe

i believe
in kindness
and grace
that everyone
looks better
with a smile
on their face

i crave words
debates, ideas
i believe nothing
is more liberating
than the way
tolerance feels

that organized
oppression
is something
we should fear

people aren’t property
fairness isn’t a commodity
you think i’m naive, probably
but that’s what i believe
and i’ll defend it
as long as i
can breathe

i hope for progress
happiness, liberty
that we learn
from the mistakes
we’ve made
throughout our history

you can’t have dignity
without decency
trust without sincerity
yeah i believe

that there’s a problem
when men become powerful
backed by the plentiful
amount of people
who aren’t clever enough
to know better
than to believe only that
which they’ve heard

when politicians
pander to the ignorant
so the truth
becomes intelligibly hazy
when campaigns depend
on the intellectually lazy

i believe in humanity
in equality
that our leaders
shouldn’t be trying
to legislate
their own morality
you can call me a liberal
definitely
and i’ll defend it
as long as i can breathe

as for me, i bring
an open heart
and an open mind
with an open hand
for those
who need a lift
from time to time

a curious spirit
a compassionate word
an encouragement
that you and your voice
should be heard

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Filed under all, introspection, random

jackie

jackie was adorable
simple and sweet
the nicest girl
you’d ever meet

she grew up with ribbons
and curls in her hair
quiet but kind
always lending an ear

you could tell
she was sweet
but she was shy, too
she even had
a boyfriend or two

that was jackie
simple and sweet
nicest girl
you’d ever meet

i saw her just
the other day
in that happy
coincidence way
she seemed
more relaxed
than she’s ever been
holding hands
with her girlfriend

they have a house
foster rescued animals
just home for one
of those seasonal
family rituals

same old jackie
simple and sweet
nicest girl
you’ll ever meet

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my unborn teenage daughter

i’ll make sure
she knows
that she can always
confide in me
that i will be
her sounding board
whatever the situation
may be

i’ll make sure
she’s mindful
of other people’s
spirits
so that when others
are masking
their pains
she will hear it

i’ll teach her
to be thankful
for other people’s
generosity
tell her it’s good
to feed her
curiosities

i’ll teach her
to stand up
against mean-spirited
cruelness
tell her
not to be afraid
to look
a little foolish

i’ll tell her
that words
can hurt
and hearts
can ache
i’ll tell her
to be good
for goodness’ sake

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Filed under all, family

no more

what else
do you think
you can do
to my heart
can’t break
what’s already
broken apart

there’s nothing
you can do to me
no more
no pain my heart
hasn’t felt
before

now you’re coming
around here
well you can just
stop right there
it could never be
what it was before
that girl
isn’t even here
anymore

i’ll never
do that again
let someone
do me like
you did

your words
those weapons
can’t wound me
anymore
there’s nothing
you can say to me
i haven’t
heard before

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Filed under all, love and stuff, pain and loss

i’ll be

i may never
be the prettiest
girl in the room
i’d rather
be the one
you hope to see
again soon

i’ll be the girl
whose eyes shine
when she laughs
who always
seems to know
the right questions
to ask

i’ll tell you my story
sing you my song
sit at the piano
grab the guitar
play along
i promise
you’ll be smitten
by the time
that i’m done

i’ll be cute
i’ll be fun
i’ll be sexy
when the time comes
for it
and before you know it baby
you’ll be begging me
for it

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been there

he sees me
the way i used
to see you
half blinded
thinking
i’m too good
to be true
loving
desperately
but defensive
and insecure
and boy, have i
been there before
and maybe
for that
i love him
even more

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Filed under all, love and stuff

should’ve never

i should have just
kept saying no
should’ve never
let you into my home

you knew i was weak
you knew i was sad
i tried to tell you
it was going to end bad

i guess that’s the point
you just didn’t care
to you, when using people
everything was fair

you might have thought
you were helping me
to move on
but i regret not being
strong enough not to do
what i knew was wrong

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Filed under all, introspection

i’m yours and you’re mine

if the words are there
they just wont come out
so i just kind of
give you a pout
and your smile calms me
puts me at ease
and you just say,
“tell me baby, please”
so i just put it
as simply as i can
whatever the worry
you always take my hand
tell me that everything
is going to be fine
as long as i’m yours
and as long as you’re mine

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karma

people who don’t know you well
say you seem like such
a loving husband, devoted father
the kind of guy who stops to chat
and flash a nice smile
when most wouldn’t bother

but they don’t know you
like i know you
they haven’t seen
the things i’ve seen
your wife may not admit it
but she knows what i mean

the problem with you
is you believe
your own lies
tell them over and over
then play dumb, deny
feign surprise

so don’t think
that i don’t know
what you took from me
even after all
of our generosity

but that’s ok
cause one day
karma is gonna
crash your party
one day, sweetie
you
are really
gonna be sorry

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tiny pieces

there was a time when i
could have had anyone
i might have wanted
and sometimes i would
just to prove my confidence
was warranted

some had girlfriends
some were “out of my league”
the athletes
the thinkers
the geeks
the bad seeds

the suits
the stoners
the partiers
the poets
men that have tiny pieces
of my soul but don’t know it

some that i wish
that i could take back
others that my heart
has longed to have back

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Filed under all, love and stuff, lust and passion