just because

i could kiss you
right now
and i know
you’d let me do it
this shy game
you’ve been playing
doesn’t fool me
one bit
because i know
you like
the way you feel
underneath me
how excited you get
how you moan
so easily

but you love her
i know
i can see it
on your face
don’t worry
i’m kinda used
to being
second place
in the eyes
of the men
that i long for
the most
but instead
of switching gears
i sit in neutral
and just coast

you would think
that i’d start
to change
my expectations
instead of accepting
those once-every-few-weeks
invitations
i tell myself
that i cant help
that my heart wants
what it does
its my lame excuse
for my actions
my substitute
for “just because”

but this time
i do nothing
as these thoughts race
through my head
and my trembling lips
pull back
and say goodbye
instead

parting ways

i need to take some time
away from this whole deal
to try and figure out
exactly how i feel
i dont mean to be selfish
but i hope you would agree
that i need to make a choice
about whats best for me

life is a journey
a path you walk down
and you share parts of it
with others you’ve found
and often those paths
part ways down the line
and this fork may be
the end of yours and mine

maybe those paths
will merge once again
maybe we can even
somehow still be friends
but i’m on my way
this journey is my own
i’m looking for someone
who wants to help me to grow
but right now thats not you
and you know it’s so

argue

i dont want to argue
but i’m tired
of backing down
i have respect for myself
so i’m standing
my ground

i’m sick of waiting
til later
for you to admit
that i was right
cant you just
swallow your pride
so we can skip
this whole fight

i know you dont understand
how easily i see
through your lies
i tell you its like
when you smile
with your mouth
but not your eyes

apologies

i dont want to hear
your apologies anymore
i’m shaking them off
heading for the door
i’m sick of this nonsense
that much i know for sure

you tell me you love me
while your tears fall to the floor
i say i guess you
should’ve thought about that
before

cause i wont be stifled
or kept in a cage
i’m too young for that
maybe you should go looking
for someone your own age

cause i know youre thoughtful
but you dont act that way
and i’m not naive enough
to think you’ll start to someday

youre an old dog
full of old tricks
and the stories of all
of the wounds
that you’ve licked

i’m sorry wont cut it
it’s just not enough
go ahead play the victim
as i gather my stuff

push

you dont want me
to be myself
you want me to be
what you need
you dont
see the difference
but it’s pretty clear
to me

you cant rely on me
to give you the happiness
you seek
its too much pressure
maybe you’ve noticed
i havent been any good at it
these past several weeks

i feed off of others
and you’ve been
bringing me down
and please dont
go turning
my meaning around
i dont blame you
for my plight
i want to be here
to make sure
youre all right
but if you keep trying
to push me away
you should know
that you just might

why cant you

why cant you
put yourself
in my place
it cant
be that hard
the emotion
is written
all over my face

why does everything
have to be
about you
was changing myself
ever something
that i agreed to do?

i want to bail
but i feel guilty too
because i know
you wont believe
that i did
fall in love with you